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anonymous
writes: Cupid,I have a problem. Me and this girl have been together three months. We were really happy and she talked about a long term relationship, saying she wanted to be with me for years and things like that. However, recently shes been rather different, she's been quiet and recently she started crying and told me that I was driving her away. She said that I was too jealous, was too nice and Ii was driving her away, and that jealousy of her ex-bf was driving her mad. I tried changing this. I have been successful; however Sunday night she told me she still liked him and me and started crying. This boy broke up with her after 11 months. She told me she wanted me, and wanted to go out with me, and that was cool, so she went home and thought things through and then texted me telling me it was me she wanted and and she was willing to work at our relationship. But she told me I was too nice, and that I was driving her away, and for that reason I'm wlling to make a big effort. But what should I do to let her put it behind her, and what should I do to let her get back to the way she was, to make her happy? I think I should start treat-her-mean-to-keep-her- keen, but how do I do that? I think I should not be jealous and show her I trust her, but I should stop being and acting loved up. What should I do? I need help big time!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2005): If your partner has a problem with you being a nice guy then you should seriously question if she's right for you. I have been in your situation before and I'm afraid that it's true about nice guys finishing last. Women (or to be more precise, emotionally immature women) like having to chase men and don't like it when men treat them well because hey, it gives them nothing to complain about to their friends!Everybody experiences jealous feelings in relationships, it's quite normal; most of the time its not worth acting on those feelings, just grit your teeth and pretend it's not happening (easier said than done).I think you need to have some respect for yourself and level with her. Choose your moment and ask her: 'do you want me or your ex?' Because the longer this goes on the more chance you have of getting hurt.
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