A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is perhaps going to meet up with his ex as friends. Am I in my rights to say I am not at all happy about it. Or is this asking for the whole "choose me or her" thing. Help. And girls, please tell me how you'd feel and what you do, and boys, anything from your perspective would be helpful.
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female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 What triggered it? And have they been friends for the entire time you've been together?I am very good friends with my ex boyfriend and have been for the whole time I've been with my boyfriend. However if I was to suddenly organise to meet up with an ex boyfriend that I haven't spoken to in years - well somehow that strikes me as different and I probably wouldn't agree to meet up with an ex that I'd lost contact with one-on-one. I'd probably rather bring my boyfriend along and make it a group outing. I probably wouldn't like it too much if he announced he was going to hang out with an ex tomorrow (as he hasn't maintained friendship with his ex's), because it just strikes me as odd to suddenly rekindle a friendship with an ex in the middle of another relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): From my experience, you should never let your bf see an ex, the feelings will always be there and things can re-ignite. Of course, it depends on a lot of factors: why did they break up, how long have they been friends prior to or after the relationship, how long ago was the relationship, are there other people present during this meeting, is this girl taken or single etc. You of course have the rights to say you're not happy about this meeting. Though I wouldn't recommend doing the extreme ultimatum thing. I did the 'choose me or her' thing with my boyfriend. He chose me and said he wouldn't see his ex. He lied and still saw his ex as friends on several occasions behind my back, until I found out through snooping around that he's developed feelings for her. We broke up, he vowed to cut contacts with her. We've had countless arguments after this because I couldn't get over him developing feelings for his ex and basically cheated on me emotionally. Moral of the story, ex-es are bad news. Avoid at all cost.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (10 November 2009):
 If you are sure that there is nothing there with the two of them and he was totally honest with you about everything, then consider it a reflection of good character on his part.
Remaining civil with an ex is a good thing in many circumstances. Some people are forced to be civil and others do it to show integrity and respect even if the relationship was not successful. The latter is the best kind of person to be with (if the situation allowed) because they have proven they are not spiteful and vindictive.
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