A
female
age
51-59,
*edup
writes:I was convinced that my boyfrind had gone away for a few days with his ex. I snooped on him and all the evidence led me to same conclusion. He has made me feel very insecure about his long term ex eg. she doesn't know about me, he avoids places she frequents, he still has pictures of her on his pc in a rotating slide show at home. To his credit he says he loves me and spends most of his spare time with me However i did the unthinkable on the weekend asked a male friend to call her house and ask for him - that's where i got caught he pretended to be his best friend (HOW STUPID OF ME and out of character) It turns out they weren't away together. Now my boyfriend is really angry with me and won't talk to me (and rightly so). I have sent a couple of sms stating how in the wrong I was and that i was in a desperate situation and I panicked...he sent me an sms that we need to talk..I am not sure how to handle the situation when we get together to talk. is this relationship salvagable? Should I just say the whole truth of how i was feeling how should i move forward?
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female
reader, Unique1  +, writes (6 August 2007):
I think you should tell him the truth BUT also let him know that HE SHOULD NOT have her pics rotationg on his pc!!!! He is with you now, no way i would have my bf having slideshow of his ex! Thats insane! Tell him you were suspicious and are sorry for snooping on him because he was innocent, but because of how he acts when it comes to her you were hurt and wanted to be sure. He should take those pics off too.
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (6 August 2007):
 The truth is always a good start. And the fact that he wants to talk is a good sign.
Whatever you do, don't raise your voice, don't lose your temper, and don't get defensive. He has a right to be angry. Make sure you listen to him and let him know that you understand why he's angry and that you know he has a right to be. Let him say this first.
Now I have a question for you: do you trust him? You don't have to trust her, you have to trust HIM. It takes two to cheat, and if he isn't interested she doesn't stand a chance. It's entirely possible that he was hurt by that breakup -- sounds like he's avoiding her. But he's with YOU now. You just have to trust him.
You might apologize for being insecure, and say that it would help you if he would remove her pictures. You understand that she once had a very important place with him, but you know that it's over now and you'll work to come to peace with it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 She doesnt know about you because he wants to keep his options open. Thats why you dont go to places she goes, you will be seen then. Thats my opinion anyway from the info. Been here bought the t shirt myself.
Talk to him & tell him your instincts are telling you there is more to them than meets the eye. why has he got pics on his pc? If he is a liar though, his conscience will let him look you square in the eye & lie.
Lots of people are able to do it for their own benefit.
I certainly wouldnt appologise though, just trust your instincts. You must of had something telling you its not right at the mo.
C xxxxx
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