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female
,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend cheated on me one time, but he has a baby by the girl. we've been together for almost 4 years, should i leave him or stay and make it work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): I believe it is possible to forgive a cheat, and move on, BUT, it's a difficult process.The fact that this guy has a child with the girl he cheated with, I think, would make it practically impossible for you two to move on and be happy togther.If your guy had no responsibilities with the girl, she could be out of your lives, leaving you to put it in the past. But because he has a child with her, that will never happen.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (26 April 2006):
 I am sorry to say that I must agree with willwombat, my ex cheated on me for over 2 and a half years and even after 10 months of counselling it stays with you.
Once a cheat always a cheat I'm afraid to say. A leopard never changes their spots.
You can get yourself tied up in paranoia if your b/f takes longer to go somewhere or say they are going out for the day or evening and it will eat you up, believe me.
Your b/f and this girl will always be connected due to the fact that they have this child together, if the child was conceived during your relationship, you have to ask yourself why if everything is so brilliant in your relationship. Sorry to be brutal but at the end of the day I know it is easy to say get rid of him but there is life after a cheating boyfriend.
Just one thing if you decide to split with him, make sure you give yourself some time, don't go and rush into another new relationship as you have been extremely hurt and wounded and you need to heal emotionally.
My ex moved out last June and even though he cheated we still work together in our own business every day so I can't move on in the same sense as other people but I have not rushed out to find someone new. I dipped my toe in the water but it felt really weird and so I decided I needed to find myself again. I needed to find the person who was not part of a couple and being able to do the things you enjoy doing rather than making sure you are always conscious of the other person in your life.
Just think things through properly and just do it at your own pace whatever you decide OK. If your b/f keeps saying go on please forgive me, make him wait. On the other hand if you do decide to split don't do it in the heat of an argument. Get yourself organised if you live together etc, if you want to end it make sure you know who will live where and also monetary matters as well.
You have been used and so if you want to stay make sure you are not going to be used again - ever. The pain is too much to bear if it is more than once, I know I have been stupid in the past and believed what I have been told.
I wish you well and we are all here for you.
BFN
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (25 April 2006):
 One time - so he says! Can you prove it was only the one time? More to the point can he prove it. Not to mention this child, how will you live with knowing he has fathered a child with another person whilst he is with you? I know I couldn't.
You have asked for advice. If you can forget this and trust him again then I say go for it. If you can't or you will bring it up in rows continually, or will never forgive - bin him. Go find yourself a loyal decent guy who doesn't drop his strides for just anybody!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006): You don't give a whole lot of information about the situation, so all I'll say is that if it was me, I'd get out now. Maybe you could give a little more info?
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