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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ive been married for 5 years but split up in august, we have two kids together and so we see each other every day still. things are very complicated with the children involved and i fear losing them to my mother in-law. i know this sounds silly but i honestly have good reasons to feel this. Ive fallen in love with a man ive known for 12 years and he loves me deeply in return. im separated from my husband but not legaly or divorced yet. i know seeing this man is wrong and i could loose my kids but i cant forget him, i've tried. i thought after the divorce was finished i could eventualy settle down with my friend and finaly live a happy life. when im around him i feel like im walking on clouds and he makes me so happy. ive not felt like this for a very very long time, even since before i met my husband. the thing is ive just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me coz someone told him i was still having sex with my husband. he felt hurt and cheated but has dones it more then once. 4 or 5 times, im broken but he wants us to work it out. i think he has a medical problem for it and he needs help. what should i do? i love him and can't imagine life with out him now, i dont want to lose him but its so complicated. i know what i should do but im struggling to say good bye.
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cheated on me, divorce, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (20 December 2006):
 Does your boyfriend not trust you that he believes have he is told by someone else or has he used this as an excuse for his mistake?
Either way you need to work some things out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2006): Well this does sound like a complicated mess, however, I think you are making your own problems to a large degree.
first off you are still legally married and have only been seperated from a 5 year marriage for 4 months...this is too soon to be thinking about jumping into another relationship for many reasons....first of which because you are in a dangerous place right now of making the wrong decisision due to a major change in your life i.e. a divorce, you are very vulnerable to your confused emotions and hurt self confidence.
Secondly, think of your kids, it is too soon to be replacing daddy with another man in their young lives, have sympathy and respect for the fact that even though they see their dad everyday, they know that he no longer lives with you and that their very security and life dependency needs has been shaken up....give them some time to heal too...and don't confuse them with bringing another man around too soon.
I don't know if you started seeing this friend of 12 years prior to your split, my guess is the answer is yes, but he may be taking advantage of the vulnerable situation that you are in right now, you don't know what his true intentions are, yet, so give this some time before you get in too deep....I know you probably won't listen to my advice as you seem like you are looking for approval of your new found love, but seriously, you are just feeling mostly early stage attraction and lust if you are walking on clouds, this feeling will eventually pass, so make sure of what you really want, try to take a step back and think, not just feel your way through this or you may make a wrong choice...
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