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My bf broke up with me because he said he was getting too attached to me!!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 November 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:


My bf broke up with me today saying like he is getting more involved and attached to me which is affecting his other things in life. So he wants to break up. How can he say like this, i can see we are prefect for each other. We literally complete each others sentences. We were best friends before and started dating a year back and we had our ups and downs but we were so good together. We bring out the best in each other.

I still cant believe he dumps me cause he got more attached to me. Getting attached to ur gf should be an good sign right? Please someone help me. I really do love him a lot. He is not picking up any of my calls. I dont want to lose him, i love him so much. Please please someone help me how to get him back. I really like to have him in my life.

View related questions: best friend, broke up

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A male reader, bjo84 United States +, writes (8 November 2010):

All of these answers make some very good points.

As a guy, I can give you the best possible advise as I see it.

Nobody here knows this guy as well as you do, so it's up to you to accurately gauge where his feelings are at. What we can do is give you a completely outside and objective opinion.

Maybe he is exactly as how he says it is, he's too attached. What you then must ask yourself is not how or why this is but WHY this is for him specifically? Does he have a passed history of being broken hearted? Neglected in his youth? abandonement issues? Often times, one will flee a relationship in order to prevent getting hurt. This could very well be the case. If it is, you can't blame him. We're human beings and pyschology is a very complex thing.

He might not be the person you think he is. He might be bored with you and wants to try other things. Again, there is no way any of us can know this without knowing the both of you.

Stay strong. Obviously there was/is something about you that he was drawn to, so ride on that. I know you miss him and it hurts so very badly but that is what happens when you mess with love. We're an emotional species and it is one of the few things that seperates us from other species. Keep in mind that there are those of us out there that can feel for you.

Hope this helps.

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A male reader, mrvhappy United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2010):

Hi its difficult to advise on without knowing his character.

It could be a number of reasons why he broke up with you apart from getting too close.

In your position, I would write him a letter asking if you two could meet and talk. Dont keep ringing/txting him. Leave him to sort himself out and try to keep busy.

If the love is a 2 way thing, he will realise what a fool he has been and come back, but dont wait around..even if he is "the one"

Good luck

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A female reader, Maria-consuela Canada +, writes (8 November 2010):

Maria-consuela agony auntIt is possible that he has a fear of commitment or intimacy, that he has been hurt in the past and is protecting himself from vulnerability by rejecting a relationship that he feels may hurt him in the long run.

Being commitment-phobic is fairly normal, but completely severing ties with somebody is pretty drastic.

The fact that you have been dating for a year tells me it probably isn't regular cold feet. Do you think there is any possibility that he is seeing someone else? Its really tough to say what his motivation is, or why he has decided to act so suddenly, without any warning.

Regardless, I would use caution in continuing a relationship with this man, if he does reconnect. It isn't fair to you to have this constant fear or worry that he may feel overwhelmed or too involved and drop out of your life. It doesn't seem like a healthy way to live. If you guys get back together and things improve, you will have to seriously consider how much you care about him, and if you are willing to risk this happening again. People aren't perfect, and as much as this could be a legitimate feeling for him - it is alot to ask for you to swallow. Your love, your affection, your partnership is precious - make sure he realizes that and doesn't take advantage of your feelings. Right now, he isn't in the right place to be in a healthy relationship unless he begins to really deal with his issues.

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