A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know this sounds so childish but I am 27 and I am having some problems with my best friend who has ditched me for a new friend. We have been good friends for about 23 years (since we started school) and we used to go about in a big group of girls. However, slowly the other girls have all got married/had families and have stopped wanting to do as much with us - understandably since their priorities have changed.So it ended up pretty much the two of us doing things together, such as going on holiday, going for nights out, to the cinema etc... Even after I got a boyfriend, I promised her I wouldn't leave her on her own and for the last 3 years I haven't. We've still gone away on holiday together and still went out most Saturday nights.In the last 6 months though, she has met a new friend (female) who she has become very close to. She now spends every weekend with her and stays over at her house at least four times a week. If she is not with her, she is texting her and on the rare occasions I do see her now she invites her new friend along (where they usually sit together in a corner whispering until either I leave or they do). I never get invited to go anywhere with them either. I have tried to speak to her about it, but I felt I sounded a bit like a jealous child so I didn't say too much. Her new friend also suffers a lot with depression/self esteem issues and my friend said she needs to be there for her night and day if she needs her. I don't want to seem petty and insensitive by saying she spends too much time with her as I do understand that depression is a very serious and horrible illness.So I really don't know what to do. I miss my friend and I'm actually really hurt she has practically cut all contact with me recently. I am of course more than happy for her to have other friends, and I'd actually really like for us all to be friends, but it seems her new friend is all she is concerned about now.If I'm honest I'm also hurt that I made sure I never left her on her own when I got a boyfriend, but she has done it to me with her new friend without so much as a second thought it seems. Do you think I can save our friendship? On a related note, I have joined a couple of new clubs to try to make some new friends too but I'm finding it hard to find anyone who wants to take it further than small talk. Any advice here would be much appreciated too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): I am the OP.Thank you very much for your reply. I think you are probably right that speaking to her is unlikely to change anything so I will probably just leave it. I also find your second point interesting, as she does like to take care of people, too much a lot of the time actually. For example her last boyfriend had a lot of issues and she spent months trying to 'fix' him. It also seems unlikely to be the first because it is not just me she has done this to - she has ditched her family and other friends for this girl too.As mentioned, I'll just keep trying to make new friends and wait to see what happens with her over time. Thanks again :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 November 2012):
 Honestly ther can be several reasons for her behavior.
1. she feels you two have outgrown each other and she doesn't have the "balls" to tell you.
2. she is enjoying being the one with the "upper hand" as in "taking care" of her friend. At some point though it will not be fun for her any more and she might want to get back in your life. Being the shoulder to cry on constantly is not fun long term. Friendships are about give and take.
3. could be she is jealous if you have a BF and she doesn't.
Just for now I would focus on yourself and YOUR life. Making friends can be hard but you can do it, don't give up.
And I'm sorry. You could tell her gently that you feel "dumped" or left out, but I'm not sure she will do anything different, I'm pretty sure she is aware of what she is doing.
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