A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently pregnant and due on Valentines Day, February 14th. I am depressed and alone. I mean..my family is around but having my sons dad around during my pregnancy would be grateful unfortunately, we've been in and out of our relationships. I mentioned it to him about the pregnancy and he didn't sound to happy. Just blank tone of voice...like ooo...kkk?! I didn't know how to take it. He is not in the picture because that's something he decided to do. He knows when my due date is. He have been saying that he doesn't know if the baby is his because he thinks I had sex with another guy. I was so upset and so many other things. I felt so, again..heartbroken that my kids dad is questioning his fatherhood. We don't talk. He have been emailing me at work and I don't respond. I'm sick of pushing the issue with trying to be a dad but I'm not doing it anymore. It's too much stress, pain and it's hurtful. Any suggestions/ideas on how to remain mellow without blowing up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhoneypie: Internally, I do get angry towards my kids dad because of the lack of involvement in our kids lives. I get emotionally hurt because there dad is the way he is. Don't get me wrong, he does have his good points. He can be a good dad but when he wants to be.
At the same time, I am asking GOD for true forgiveness towards my kids dad.
I am a good woman, good person, do good deeds, good mother that remains standing...I ask GOD,"Why am I being hurt by someone who I thought loved me?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 January 2009):
 Having one heck of a mom beats out having no dad or a sucky dad any day. You can do and thankfully you got a good family behind you. Keep your chin up and don't let him back in your life. He just isn't worthy.
Do what's right for you and it will be what's right for the kids to.
~hugs~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie: Of course, I do believe he should help out no matter what the circumstances are. My family have been great with their assistance however, that is not their responsibility to do so, it's his. I am thankful and grateful for what my family have done and remain to do.
I am getting ready to hit 30 with a 41 year old so called man who thinks I can take on full financial responsibility of our kids. Our kids need a father figure as well in their lives.
The way I am feeling is my kids are better off with me being the mother and father figure instead of a dad who decides when to be apart of their childhood.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 January 2009):
I'm so sorry. I didn't know a guy can "just" sign over his rights. On the other hand, having him out of your life and their life have got to be a blessing.
However he hasn't signed over the rights to your un-born son yet? Specially since he don't believe the child is his.
Don't you think he should pay child support for his children? or at least the youngest? You can still have full custody but he should at least help out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie: per court order, I can't file child support because he signed his rights over. The only thing he owes is his portion of medical bills our daughter have obtained before the date he signed the papers. He still owes. Some of those bills is under my name because she's on my insurance. So, he owes me his portion because I've paid some of the bills off because I would like to try to keep my credit in good standing.
I've made the mistake of giving him the benefit of the doubt by trying again, trusting again... letting him back into our lives and now....I'm almost 8 months pregnant with no support from him. It is a blessing for another child in my life but not this way. My kids deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 January 2009):
If you have already reminded him and given him a copy of the US, I wouldn't do anything else til the baby is born. When your son is born seek child support.
Does he doubt your daughters paternity as well? If so seek child support for the daughter as well. If he has doubts HE has to pay for the DNA test.
He's an idiot. I don't understand how some men can so easily walk away from their children.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have two kids together, 3 year old and a son that's on the way. I've given him a copy of the Ultrasound, a copy of the dute date from the doctor with other important baby matters, etc. I've mentioned it to him quite a few times, why should I have to remind him?
I am so sick of some of the men doubting their child when some women know who they've been with. Some women do respect their bodies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your words of encouragement.
During our break ups, I NEVER had sex with another guy.I've been on dates however, I don't sleep with them. He assumes if I'm walking with someone from the opposite sex,I've slept with him. I couldn't believe he would say anything like that to me. It just hurts so much because I've put my all into his first two kids and him. I've taken care of all five of us with just my income when he got kicked out of the Navy. That's how much I loved him, even more. I've done so much and he hurts me?
You all are right, concentrate on my baby to be, my daughter and I.
Thank you all!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 December 2008):
Concentrate on you and the baby because that is all that matters really.
Let him know in an e-mail (again) the due date and tell him that you will request a paternity test for his sake. Don't forget to fill out child support papers. With the DNA test done, he can't really avoid paying it. Nor should he.
Look into prenatal yoga - it's awesome. It will strengthen your body and spirit. IT will also help you relax and center yourself. You can google prenatal/maternity or pregnancy yoga and find some good sites that can give your more info. There are also a LOT of really good dvd/tapes out there for do -it at home.
Take care and take a deep breath.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): I agree with gina - take a relaxing bath before bed and relax, look after u and the baby do dna once bubs is born and keep in touch with us, let us know how u and bubs are doing
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): You didn't say if you have had sex with another guy during your break ups.
You could have a DNA test to prove paternity, but if he has it in his head you have slept with someone else. He will think it more luck than judgment.
It sounds like your guy is all washed up.
It's all a complete mess.
Mellow by praying for a happy outcome.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): He has voiced his concerns about your child's parentage but you seem to be responding the wrong way. Just tell him "I'll get a paternity test." The state will pay for most of it. But if it's more important to you that he take your word that it's his kid then keep doing what your doing. The fact that you don't offer a paternity test up front will make him VERY sceptacle.
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