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My 5 year daughter's friends show each other their private parts

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Question - (7 September 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2018)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have a 5 year old daughter, and yesterday she came to me saying that boys and even girls show each other their private parts. They are all 5, and i was shocked about it.

She told me that 3 boys and 1 girl were asking her if they can show my daughter their underwear, their butt and their private areas, she told them no, but they showed her anyways and told my daughter to go to a private area. My daughter was embarrassed to tell the teacher so she is telling me instead.

Im very furious about what happened, my daughter is only 5 and is being exposed to these things since a very young age by people her age.

Im definitely going to take her out of this summer camp, but how can i handle this situation with the head master? I feel good that my daughter told me and wasn't embarrassed, but now im worried what will happen next if kids are just 5 and already showing their sexual parts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2018):

I remember when I was little, I don't know, four years old maybe, my friend and I showing each other our bottoms. I'm nearly sixty now. I think that because of all the abuse stories and sexualising of children that we hear about, that anything of this sort now carries sexual meaning in an adult's eyes. But DO remember....NOT in the children's eyes. They are doing what has been done for ever. They are exploring themselves and others in a curious way...NOT a sexual way. I wouldn't get too heated about it if I were you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2018):

I would have removed my child from that camp post haste.Yes in some circumstances kids do do this but...in 1980 there was a preschool.It was run by the mc Martin family.Father Son and Mother.If you do not know about this please Google it and read about it.They molested and filmed terrible things that were done to the children.Many children.As a mom my hubby and I decided no day care.You cannot really trust any one nowdays except yourself.I stayed home and rasied my children.Sometimes when I did work we would work different shifts so we could care for our children ourselfs.Sure we did not have as much money as some but I am so much closer to my children than many people I know.We did not need the newest phone or car or expensive Disney vacations.My children all grown up now are all successful alduts..all have good paying jobs so growing up without those 200.00 tennis shoes did not hurt them one bit.I know some parents must both work and single parents must but if you cut out the cable TV the cell phone and other things you really do not need and stay home and parent and plan children when you really are able to parent them you would never have to worry about crap like this.Raise the children you choose to have.Never trust anyone else but yourself.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 September 2018):

It's a parents nightmare; but it's common and normal. They notice their differences, and the more fuss you make about it, the more of a problem you'll have.

Your fury comes from seeing this in a sexual-context. THEY ARE CHILDREN!!!

They're all the same age. The age of discovery. You've taught your daughter well, she came straight to you when she experienced something she didn't feel good about. That places you in the position of being the adult. Overreacting is not going to stop children from being children. They are innocent, and they don't see what's wrong. They know it's naughty, but don't place any of the perverse connotations you're creating in your own mind.

You can make it known to the teacher the children are being under-supervised. Calmly explain what your daughter told you, and please don't turn this into something that will alarm your daughter, and frighten the children. All they know is they have different-looking body-parts and it was curious to see. Children are notorious for show and tell, no matter what it might happen to be!

Whatever you do, keep your wits about you; and try not to blow this out of proportion. Remember, these are only children. They don't know about sex, there is no deviance behind it; and they were only being naughty. The teacher has a responsibility to keep an eye on them; not stifle their curiosity, or create an atmosphere of terror among innocent children.

If you do decide to blow this up; a couple of good and more experienced parents might teach YOU a thing or two in protection of your their own children. You're not the only one with a child involved. Nobody is going to allow you to turn their children into sexual-perverts at five years-old!

Encourage your daughter to always tell you when things happen that upset or scare her. Then do what's rational and appropriate.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (8 September 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI understand why you’re upset by this, but this is very normal. Chances are, unless you are from a country where it is drilled into people that naked bodies are shameful, even you saw a naked body when you were a child because children often show each other their bodies or they kiss or they cuddle, and it’s not remotely sexual or wrong. Children are just curious and finally learning the difference between girl bodies and boy bodies. All they think of it as is the same as an arm or a leg, not anything inappropriate.

You don’t have to remove your daughter from enjoying summer camp, just because children are doing what most children do at some point during their younger years. That’s what the game doctor is about and mothers and babies, you often find children putting nappies on each other or checking each other’s chests and such. It isn’t because they are going to grow up to be inappropriate adults or teenagers, it’s just that naturally children are curious about bodies and differences in people. It purely is innocent, it’s just that you are an adult so you don’t see it that way and your daughter felt embarrassed about it. The lesson is to teach your daughter that she should just walk away next time, but not get upset with the children for doing what comes naturally to most very young children.

I think you would be possibly overreacting slightly if this one incident leads you to remove your daughter from a camp that she would otherwise be enjoying. As for approaching headmaster, perhaps don’t name any children specifically, just ask that they make a clear statement to all of the children that the clothes should be kept on during camp.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI have worked with kids age 0-6 and this is not out of the ordinary. Kids are curious.

Does it mean it's OK? No. She didn't WANT to see their parts, she declined, yet the kids did it anyways. Which, again... isn't out of the ordinary. They are 5.

For them the boy-bits and girly-bits are not of a SEXUAL nature as they are 5 years old. But they (most of them at least) know that boys have boy parts and girls have well, girly bits. Hence, curiosity.

They weren't trying to "engage" in anything sexual.

Does that mean you should ignore it? No. You should have a word with their teacher, and maybe then the teacher can have a word with the kids about some basic social norms, such as... you don't show your genitals to other people. And maybe there needs to be a little bit better supervision too.

But all in all, it's pretty normal behavior. It's not about SEX.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (8 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI get that you where shocked nobody wants to hear that from there five year old.

I get that she was embarrassed, but you need to remember that these children are also only five. They are innocent and probably curious about there bodies. At that age children feel that there private parts are forbidden to be showing and off course they are learning and exploring and it is all in innocents at that age.

I get that you are furious, but you need to remember that she is only being exposed to children's private parts. There is nothing sexual in what these children are doing, they are growing up and learning and you need to remember that they are innocent children. If she was getting exposed to someone much older doing this then yes I would be straight down to the summer camp. But I do think you need to calm down and look at it realistically. They are innocent children who don't mean any harm.

Have you asked her if she wants to be taken out off the summer camp? Because if she doesn't I don't think it would be fare for her to miss out because off this. I mean it is great that she came to you, it shows she trusts you with this, but you do need to talk to her and ask her what she wants to do about the camp. I am sure you know yourself there was no malice in this, they are all five years off age!

I think the best way to handle it is to arrange an appointment to see the head master. Explain to him what your daughter said and that she was embarrassed, at this age adults should be supervising at all times, so it is strange that no adult picked up on this, unless off course they where in a toilet. You are worried as they are showing there sexual parts. But honey its not sexual parts to them, for them it is what they use to go to the toilet. I get you are worried as a parent, but these things are going to happen with children.

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