A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I went on holiday to Turkey last year and met a turkish man, I only new him for a few days but they were the best few days ever. When I come back home to England we've stayed in contact and for the past 5 month I have been back, we have spoke every day via: fone every 2 days and he rings me! and and the rest of the time texting each other and on the internet. He is only 22 and I am 19 he has asked me if i will go to Turkey and live with him, I have my tickets to go next week as I feel as though this is the right thing to do but also not sure. We have spoke about marriage but he says that it will happen when the time is right in the mean time he wants me to go to his home town and meet he family which apparently is waiting with open arms. This will only be till April till he goes back to work. I am so confused on what to do because he seems so genuine. I have also quizzed him by saying that when we marry if I don't like it in turkey would he come to England and he just tells me I'm sure you will like it, I will make you happy, it's a very nice country to be in, I like it here and my work I don't want to go to England. I am going regardless as I have everything prepared but I just would like some other peoples advice on what they think. Thank you hope to have a reply before next week.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, i have 5 really good answers, so thank you all. i think i will go and give it a try as really like i said i have nothing to lose i will try a couple of weeks and if i dont like it i can always come back. but like i said thank you for the good advice i can see were you are coming from. i just everything goes well for my self lol. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Hi there,i know i am supposed to give objective advice but i wouldnt be being true if i didnt tell u what i really thought which is what u deserve as u have came here looking for genuine advice..i say, dont go. leave it for a while, i mean 5 months? that isnt long enough to leave your country, friends and family and move to his country. its not fair on u him expecting u to do that as u are young. no doubt ur feelings are strong for eachother, and i hope, from him, genuine - but if he is true he wont mind u chnaging ur mind about wanting to move with him. how about try a few weeks there with him, see how things go. talking over the phone and texting is very very different than being with someone everyday, as u said u only spent a few days with him. is that enough to give all u have up for? i say, stay in england even visit eachother, but DONT move. he may just want a passport and has been grooming u this whole time, or he may be genuine. u will find out soon enough, it seems u have doubts, which tells me not to do it. as u wud be fully totally sure that is was right, if it was.wait. and good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): My father had a saying when my mind was set on something against all advice. 'let him have a lick'
Try it and see what happens it's the only way.
Who knows the outcome.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (4 February 2009):
two things (as someone who married someone overseas 10+ years ago, and is still happily with her):1) Understand different expectations about gender roles. If you want a career, will it have equal weight (he moves for your job as readily as you move for his)? If you want kids, does he, and do you have the same expectations about childcare (can you work and you both pay for care)? If you don't want kids, is he okay with that? If you get homesick, would he consider moving to the UK with you?2) Don't let yourself make decisions in response/defiance to your family's pressure. They will respect you more and pressure you less, if they can see you are thinking clearly and rationally. (In my case, I knew my fiancee as a good friend for over a year, so that even if passion faded we knew we would enjoy each other's company.) And don't underestimate how lonely it can be in a foreign country, especially if you have a fight and have nobody's couch to crash on or shoulder to cry on (or even ear to bend in the same general timezone). In other words, don't unnecessarily sacrifice the close relationships you already have, as you will need them in the future especially if you move away.Good luck, and don't be pressured to rush anything. Any relationship that is supposed to last the decades needs to be able to survive the weeks and months.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have fell out over my family over this and really want to go back my intentions was just to go back for a couple of weeks get to now him better but they werent standing by me at all. i brought the subject up about marriage i thought i would get it in just incase his intentions was to marry me to get a visa back to england but he has told me there is no rush. in a way i really do think he is genuine and would love to give this ago as i am only young and have nothing really to lose. and am sure my family would come round if they thought i was happy i can understand they are worried as am their daughter and they dont want anything bad to happen. i didnt have any bad thoughts at all about this until people have been telling me what the turkish men are like and i looked it up the internet and he doesnt seam what people are saying.
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