A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I met J online 7 years ago and we became friends. After two years of emails, letters and phone calls, he confessed his feelings for me. I did have feeling for J too at that time. We've been together for 5 years now and have met each other twice in real life (since we live hundreds of miles apart). We trust and love each other just like any other couple would do.However, last year when I entered university, I made lots of new friends and got to know another guy named B. B is in the same faculty with me and we often hang-out together. I realized that I secretly like him since I constantly thought about him when we aren't together but I decided to put these feelings aside as I am in a relationship. This year, during my university break, J paid me a visit and spent two weeks with me. We had lots of fun together but every time we do things together, my mind starts to wander off to B. When J says 'I love you' to me (which he constantly does..), I have a hard time replying back to him. I have lost some of my feelings for him.The new university term has just begun and I'm hanging-out as usual with B. The more I hang-out with him now, the more I like him. I really do not know to do. Should I tell J that I would like a break from our relationship? J has done so much for our relationship that I feel terrible letting him know about this. Should I let B know how I feel about him? I am worried that it would ruin our friendship with I do so..I hope that I am able to get some advice on this. Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Either stop hanging out with B and continue with J or break it off with J and let B know how you feel. You can't have it both ways. If you do break up with J, break up for real, don't go on this "let's go on a break" deal. Go whole hog or don't go. It may ruin your friendship but it's worse to string him along while you're thinking and dreaming of someone else.
But honestly, look inside your heart before you make a decision. You might want to spend a few days thinking about it by yourself. Breakups are not evil...sometimes relationships run their course.
Good luck.
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