A
female
age
51-59,
*elani 19
writes:My divorce was final yesterday...I am getting stronger and will come thru this a better and more healthy person. My question is this: What is my best plan of action to manage my now ex, given his mental illness and rage? we have 2 kids, forcing interaction. my now ex is rageful and already threatening legal action against me (not even 24 hours). (I just spent 35K to get out of the marriage.) He is mentally ill, which he disguises incredibly well. Thru the course of our lives together, I'd see this pattern of perseverating on someone who "wronged" him and it frequently lasted up to 3 years; he ruminated over for hours daily. Now I'm the target. My goal and plan is to stay so centered and have so much Grace to constantly be proactive, rather than reactive to his anger/rages/verbal attacks. Any other words of advice in dealing longterm w/a rageful, mentally ill individual? The kicker is he is an attorney. Really. I don't want to go bankrupt w/legal maneuvers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I read this over again and wanted to comment that often people with serious mental illness can disguise it very well with charm and charisma. My husband certainly did. Please keep me posted on your progress. Have you started dating yet? I am hoping to meet someone special.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): Take reasonable actions to protect yourself and your family. I'd invest in a pocket recorder, there are some great ones that look like pens. Record your conversations, and save them. If there's a pattern of abuse you'll have proof. I'd also start a journal of contact- record facts and actions.
You should also find yourself a support group of woman and create a network of freinds who have been where you are. They can be the greatest source of strength and support. Hopefully you're ex will find someone else to harass. You may need to get a restraining order on him at some point.
Good luck- BTW, I spend double to get away from my bi-polar wife, life is wonderful now, and she's got a new ex to make crazy, as well as massive IRS problems!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I went through the exact same thing! My husband has bi polar. His family is abusive to me as well. i am proud of you for the strength you are showing! It is a long hard road.. Keep your life centered and get a lot of rest. Are you working to support the kids? I had to support my daughter by myself. It has been a stressful time. Best of luck to you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): It's called paranoia, probably the a symptom of a mood disorder.I'd suggest dealing with it by having someone else deal with it. Most states have schemes for parents to hand over children at visitation times (commonly at a police station). Rages and verbal attacks in those places tend to lead to intervention by the police.Also, to limit the occasions for rages and to avoid accusations due to misunderstandings (misunderstandings are gasoline to paranoia, and if they don't exist many sufferers will conspire to create them) require all interaction to be via e-mail rather than in person or phone. If he phones you, simply tell him that you two agreed to use e-mail. Never delete those e-mails -- those you receive or send -- as if he deteriorates you can use them as evidence.
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A
female
reader, alliecat12121 +, writes (8 August 2010):
at this point keep your mind on you and your kids. it over with you two his rage is some thing he will have to go with all his life. till he gets help. but us wemon are strong!!!! just keep moveing day to day. you will make it.
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