A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I when out with this guy from work with his friends. We when to a couple of bars and a sushi place. We really hit it off. He bought me drinks that night. He stayed the night over at my place. We did not have sex but pretty close. The next night he invited me out with his friends to a bar. I drove to his house and rode we rode the train downtown. (He made me pay for my fare which I wasnt happy about). When we were walking to the bar he did not show me any affection, like put his arm around me. When we got to the bar, he did not really talk to me and mostly talked to his friends. The only thing he said is he was going to ask me to do alot of (sexual) things when we got back to his place. The whole time we were there (about an hour), he did not offer to buy me a drink. I finally asked if he was going to buy me a drink and he say buy your own. You are an independent woman and should want to pay for yourself. I told he that I could not do any sexual things without first relaxing. He told me that I have issues that I need to fix. After that comment, I left the bar, got back on the train and drove home. I really am happy that I left. I feel like he was being very rude to me. What do some of the men in this forum think? Would you have treated someone like this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Hey im sorry to hear you came into contact with someone like this, but it happens, alot.If you thought you and the guy was really hitting it off and that he was being a gentleman, you should of given him a kiss goodnight and left it at that, if he called to meet up again and he acted the same pleasant way you should of done the same just one kiss goodnight, after around the 4th/5h date and he was still interested, charming and nice then maybe he would of been interested in something else, as he would of gotten to know you, seen you werent easy, and you would of given off a different impression, you would of made him see that you wanted something different and not just a one night stand.Instead you took him home to your bed, even though you didnt sleep with him, you said you were close, therefore meaning you did other sexual favours im guessing. This gives off the wrong message, maybe thats all he wanted and when you returned what he wanted he thought you wanted the same thing as him. So then him getting the impression you were after a good time in the bedroom why does he need to buy you drinks and train fare? Your getting what you want already in his mind.Next time i suggest you dont take it so fast, your'l give off the wrong message.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 People only treats you the way you let them treat you.
You bring home some guy that you've just met maybe 3 hours before,and after a few rounds of drinks. He is not necessarily interested in you,he just wants to end the night with some sexual fun. He assumes that he does not need to sweat it to have you and he can disposed of any social niceties.
I am not saying this is right- and you have been unlucky,you've met a really nasty one. But- that's what happens if you are not more selective in your choices.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 It looks like he has a score to settle with you . Probably because he did not get to have sex with you on the first date.
He is artless and unrefined .
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A
female
reader, Beccccccy  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Sorry , I dont get why you just wanted him to buy you drinks ? Yet you wanted to pay for the train fare ? Why does he have to buy you drinks ? So he could get sexual favors in return ? Your pulling my chain girl !
I suggest the problem was you , work towards your own independence , buy your own drinks ..otherwise you are a glorified postitute .
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (3 May 2010):
 You did the absolutely right thing by walking out on this guy! Don't let guys take advantage of you!
And don't let guys stay over on your first date! This guy was obviously just looking for sex, and not even willing to wine you and dine you first!!
He's a jerk and you'd be crazy to ever see him again! I hope you deleted him from your phone and mind!!
He's not even worth thinking about!
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (3 May 2010):
 The guy's an asshole, he only wanted a piece...and you need to forget the whole thing, be happy you didn't sleep with him. It's quite useless wondering about him. He's not worth thinking about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): I am not a man but why would you let a man treat you this way. It sounds like you gave almost everything to him on a silver platter right away. Then he had not respect for you. He is clearly after one thing only and you are saying I need a drink to relax. That is a clear signal you are willing to do what he asks. I do not think it matters that he treated you bad but you allowed it. I would step back and work on your self esteem before dating any further. You are not going to find love by having sex tghe first time you meet a man.. Best of luck and I hope this is a good learning experience for you. We are all human and make mistakes but we must learn from them
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Im glad you took off, he was VERY rude. But you could have taken the hint, all this man ever wanted was to have sex with you. Thats why he bought you drinks, thats why he stayed over at your place. No man that wants a REAL relationship starts it out like that. Only players do (with the few extremely rare exeptions). Since he couldn't get what he wanted from you the first night, he wanted to try again the next night. Only now, he doesn't feel he should have to work as hard since you weren't as easiy as he had hoped for.
You don't have a problem. You just shouldn't have invited him to sleep at your place, because to be honest, if you didn't want a one night stand you shouldn't have brought him home.
So here's the rule: a guy at a bar that you barely know buys you drinks=hopes to get some action, you invite him home to your place=you tell him he's gonna get some action, you not giving him the sex after all these signals=you're a co*k tease
Now I take it you were unaware of this, but now you know.
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A
male
reader, bournedout +, writes (3 May 2010):
Easy one that. No, I would not have, and any guy worth being with would not have. So you are better off being rid of him.
Anyway, meeting folks in a bar is a dicey proposition. With the booze and the short time to get to know someone (not to mention the artificiality), you are really less likely to find someone of character. Been there, done that. If you are up for a fling, then that's fine as long as you accept the risks. Anyway, he was being a real jerk to you and should be avoided until he grows up. Hope it doesn't happen to you again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): dont' ever let a guy spend the night and don't ever do more than kiss on a first date. believe me.
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