A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 1/2 years now. we have quite a few issues when it comes to sex. we were 16 when we started having sex, and i was self concious because he couldnt make me orgasm...so i faked it because he hated that he couldnt make me come. but i never told him..to this day he doesnt know that i faked it..but now i just am honest and tell him i cant. the only times i orgasm during sex is if i use a vibrator. i found out that he doesnt like using it because he doesnt have good sex...(even tho i am happy)..he is too self concious. so now i rarely use it and sex is kinda dull for me...he gets what he wants but i dont. sometimes he will go down on me for 20 minutes or more..but he just cany make me orgasm. i try to communicate to him how i want it..but he does it for a minute and then goes back to wat he was doing before...plus within the past 8 months our sex life has become a lot less..we used to have sex at least once a day. and he used to be somewat open to trying new things...and due to the fact that he is so distant from me and only wants sex when he wants it..i have started fantasizing about having sex with other people..sometimes even during sex!!so the main questions i have are:-why is he so self concious about the vibrator? does anyone else feel like him??-how do i deal with the self coniousness?-why has he all of a sudden given me the cold shoulder?-should i tell him he has never really been able to make me come, and risk him being turned off to sex with me for good? or should i just continue to be honest from this point on?-what is the best way to get him interested in sex again...like he used to be?-does anyone think maybe an open relationship would work? because we have broken up before and it doesnt work..we are soo close...HELP!!!!
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male
reader, eddie34 +, writes (1 August 2009):
 "why is he so self concious about the vibrator? does anyone else feel like him?"
I use to feel like this as well, it is sord of a blow to a guys EGO, but if he cannot satisfy you he should not be feeling jealous..
A
female
reader, newbern  +, writes (1 August 2009):
I have a very similar problem. In fact I posted my question about it last month. I just tell you what happened to me.My b/f too has never been able to give me an orgasm. Again, like with yourself, we manage with dildos and stuff, but alone he just can't. This is made worse by the fact that when I first met him and we discussed previous relationship I told him that all my exes had made me come, which makes him feel really inadequate and I wish I hadn't told him.The problem is that he is just 4 inches down there, and seriously my last boyfriend before him was literally twice his size and also much wider. I don't know if your b/f is also very small down there.You said you've started fantasising about other men and that's what happened to me too after a while. Except that eventually I ended up cheating on him with one of my exes and -sure enough- I climaxed within 2 minutes, possibly the most satisfying one of my life. Now, I'm not advising you to do anything. I'm only telling you that after that I told my b/f about being naughty and past his initial bout of jealousy, somehow he became supermega randy, though of course he'd deny its because of that.He still hasn't made me come, but he's literally obsessed now with having sex with me. I am a firm beleiver that men instinctively and subconsciously approach it as a "territorial" issue.
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