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Maybe we should have a break. He says I'm stressing him out...

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 May 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

I'll try to keep this brief.

I've been dating this guy on/off for 10 yrs, since I was a teen. A few years ago we started getting serious. However, while we were dating he married someone else. I found out the hard way (catching them together).

He has protested all along that he has still loved me. I didnt talk to him for over a year after catching him. This January we started talking again & dating. I have forgiven him. He has been trying to prove that he still loves Me(i.e he used to never answer his phone in front of me now he always does etc).

When I asked to meet his parents however our relationship took a turn. He wants to wait until his divorce is final (he wants to marry me so I feel entitled to meet them sooner)!!

He said maybe we should take a break becuz I'm stressing him out. I don't know if I should let him go or what..I am so confused!!! help...

View related questions: a break, divorce

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A reader, schlottjl United States +, writes (28 May 2005):

schlottjl agony auntHe should be stressing you out! How does he make you feel? Special? Do you have any question that you are the most important relationship he has? (Not of the women he has, but more important than his parents, friends ect.)

Marriage is a serious matter. He is married already showing that he has no respect for the institution. Therefore, not even marriage let alone talk of it, means anything to him!

I hate to say it but, he is lying to you so that he can have all of the objects that he wants. Yes objects. You are not human to him since your feelings nor his wife's matter at all. He is very selfish.

Please consider that people will disrespect you so long as you disrespect you. Tell him that you are no longer a play thing and have decided you need a real man. Also that you deserve better than he apparently has to offer. Then break it off. Remind yourself that he does not love you and you deserve more. Don't settle until someone is proud to show you off.

In your heart you must know that he is keeping you seperate so he can continue to lie, cheat, and steal your life away from you to use for his fun. He will do this so long as you let him. Love yourself more and let the millions of other men have a chance to prove THEIR WORTH to you. Make them earn it. Men need to pursue women. If they don't pursue, they will never have chosen you in their own mind. Most men will sleep with a moman who throws herself at him. They cherish the ones whom they must prove themselves to because they will consciencly choose them. If you are worth it to them they will go to great lengths to gain your love. This is not a game it is reality. Do not leave hoping he will pursue you; leave knowing someone who is worth it will.

If you want marriage and a family, one that is forever and based on real love and respect, you do not have forever. One more second with him is one more second lost forever and one step closer to a life spent alone. But every step away from this jerk, is one step closer to self love and to your future husband.

Do it now, your future family is counting on you!

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A reader, star3482 +, writes (28 May 2005):

He sounds like a big kid to me and I don't think he's showing signs of growing up. Obviously he doesn't take marriage and the vows too seriously as you're supposed to "forsake all others"!

If I was you, I'd give up and find someone who will treat you better, you'll never fully trust this guy so theres no point. You've wasted enough time on him.

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A reader, alison +, writes (28 May 2005):

In my opinion you should leave him. It doesn't sound like he loves you much. You deserve much better than him. You won't like this but by the sounds of it if he got married whilst you were still seeing him, he must love his wife more.

Even if he loves you, if he cheated on you once, the chances are that he will again. I believe that once a cheater always a cheater. It sounds like he may be using you but the decision is yours to make. Bear in mind that your the one that will end up hurt if he does this again.

hope this helps you.

good luckxx

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