A
female
age
51-59,
*lain need
writes:been dating an older wonderful man for eight months. he told me two months into it he was talking with his ex and that they were talking about making it work again. he was married for 22 years and divorced two. he has seen her and yet still wants to see me. when we are together we are so happy. i know he is in love with me, but i think he's confused. do men go back because it's what they're comfortable with? he has not been dishonest with me about her, but she doesn't know about me. he has tried several times to just be friends with me, but we just want to be with each other that we end up spending more and more time together instead of apart. help. should i wait it out; see if he's sure that's what he wants?
View related questions:
divorce, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, flain need +, writes (17 January 2008):
flain need is verified as being by the original poster of the questionALL THE ADVICE HITS HOME. WE'VE SINCE SEEN EACH OTHER AND HAVE DISCUSSED OUR FEELINGS. HE HAS DECIDED TO TRY AND WORK IT OUT WITH THE EX. HE SAYS IT FAMILARITY, HISTORY, AND WHAT HE KNOWS. SHE DECIDED TO MOVE HERE AND CAME BACK EARLY TO SURPRISE HIM. TALKED TO HIM AND HE SOUNDED SOOOO SAD. KINDA LIKE HE WAS TRAPPED. HE WAS NOT THE HAPPY PERSON HE SHOULD BE IF HE LOVES HER. TOLD ME HE THINKS ABOUT ME EVERDAY AND WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY. IT ALMOST LIKE HE FEELS OBLIGATED. TOLD ME HE LOVES HER, BUT ITS NOT LIKE THE EMOTIONS HE HAS FOR ME.THINK I WILL GIVE HIM SPACE AND TRY MY HARDEST TO NOT CALL, TEXT, OR E-MAIL HIM.AT LEAST IF HE TRIES HE WILL KNOW AND HE CAN MOVE FORWARD INSTEAD OF BACKWARD. I LOVE THIS MAN AND I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY.
A
female
reader, FancyFace  +, writes (4 January 2008):
He hasn't told her about you? So your the other woman?.. Ask yourself this, what happens when you wait and then he doesn't chose you? Do you just count it as months lost? What happens if he does choose you and then a few years later tries to "work things out" with his ex again. I am in no position to tell you not to wait, but you do have to cautious that it might not work out in your favor, now or in the future. If he doesn't have the same feelings as you than you will never have the 50/50 relationship that you deserve. Being married to someone for so long, is a type of attachment that no one really can break. And if they are considering working things out today then they probably will consider it tomorrow. Do you see what I mean? Do what is best for you and don't let someone else's decision navigate your life. Be in control of your future. Fr.FancyFace
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 I am afraid , I think you are just a stop gap measure . He will most probably go back to his ex and you will be left in a lurch.
He was lonely and you came along .He will not be able to cut all ties with the ex.Humans like the familiar surroundings.His heart is torn into two and you can only get half a man.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 January 2008):
 I would be inclined to not participate in this. He certainly has a lot of history here, but more than that, I'd rather not go head-to-head with an ex just because it could turn into a giant waiting game. I would let him go and make his decision, independently, and choose to see other people until he comes to his senses. He's already wavering, why give him the option to be more indecisive?
...............................
|
