A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Im in my forties my husband is 39 we have been married for 4 years i love him more than anything but we never seem to have sex it feels like he doesn't want to do anything with me and i feel lonely and unloved and im thinking he doesn't fancy me or love me anymore i try talking to him but it doesn't. work we move house nearly 4 months ago and we have made love twice and im thinking maybe he has gone off me as he wants me to do things with him but im not getting anything and then im thinking just get on with my life and don't worry about it maybe he doesn't fancy me know more i just don't know what to do.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 September 2013):
 Here is a reprint of a reply I made, just the other day, to a woman who submitted with the same problem that you hae...
I have opined about this subject in the past; and will give you my abridged version, herein:
IF two people have widely varying sexual appetites, it is almost impossible for them to have a successful and satisfying "relationship".... one of them will HAVE to "starve" whilest the other will be quite satisfied with things the way they are....
Sorry.
Good luck....
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 September 2013):
 As we age, our sex drives tend to wane a bit. It takes extra effort to maintain that spark.
I am sorry to hear you are going through this as I know the frustration and sadness you must be feeling.
Here are my suggestions:
1) Have you tried to seduce him? Have you worn something sexy, lit some candles, cooked his favorite meal, put on some perfume? Is the environment right for sex? It sounds like something is preoccupying your husband -- so why not put the focus on him and make him feel special. Perhaps he will respond in kind.
2) Have you gained weight or changed your body composition? While he loves you if you have become unattractive it can affect his desire. This usually isn't the case, but sometimes it is. Make the necessary changes to make yourself "hot" again.
3) Do you have troubles in your house? Money? Resentment? Overworked? Kids? Nagging? Piles of chores? These are all sex killers. Work on talking through them and dealing with them before they become marriage killers.
4) Tell your husband how you feel. Try not to be super critical but open up the dialog by saying "I know we haven't had much sex of late, is there something that I am doing that is bothering you?" and see where it leads. Again here may be your opportunity to seduce him.
5) Try to find mutual activities that you enjoy. Even if this means joining in ones that you don't enjoy just to be near him. If he is a sports junky, enjoy a game or two with him -- but don't panic if he has separate hobbies from you. That is natural... try to do things together that you used to do when you fell in love... reform that bond with one another.
Finally you may want to consider seeing a counselor or therapist. Sometimes having someone to voice your opinions to will help and allow you to see things from his point of view.
Eddie
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