A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I have a boyfriend of 7 months, I love him and one day want to marry him. However, he has some seriously deep trust issues from his dad leaving him and being cheated on by all his ex girlfriends. So from this he believes that im going to do the same and hurt him. His way of dealing with it is by talking to girls online, making himself feel better. I dont know what to do, because he doesnt trust me, its eating away at him and he is so scared im going to do the same to him. Any advice? Or anyone really good that he could talk to?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Thanks Kellyxxx
I know we can get through it, im trying my best to reassure him and I know he wants help and has booked into a course in a months time. He gave me all his passwords to his accounts so I know he really wants to prove to me that he wants to be with me. What we have is real, he just signed up to build us a house, but he just needs help to make him the great person that he truly is. So im sticking by his side because thats what a supportive girlfriend would do =] I know hes the one for me and he knows im the one for him.
A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 You just need to reassure him that you won't treat him badly, it will get very tiring for you but you need to do it most of the time. I'm like your boyfriend and the only thing which seems to help me is when my boyfriend reassures me. You need to tell him not to compare you to his past. Eventually it will become easier but its going to get tough first. Msg me if you would like any other help, me and my boyfriend have been through this but I can give you your boyfriends point of view. One thing which is unacceptable is him chatting to other girls online, this is going to make him feel worse in the long run. I started flirting with other guys etc and realised how easy it was and how easy it was to hide from my boyfriend, but then I became paranoid that he would do the same to me. Its hard but if you love him you can get through this. X
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 Uh sweety,
His talking to other girls online is NOT a way of making himself feel better....Thats a cop out. He is using it as an excuse so you will idly sit by and accept it while he looks for some thing to keep on the back burner in case you two dont work out.
If he is doing it on a social site like Myspace or Tagged,that is a huge red flag.
You say that after 7 months you want to marry him someday. When you are in a committed relationship, that is an audition for a possible future together. If you think that he will just one day up and stop, I am afraid that you will be in for a less than happy surprise.
When somebody says they have all these issues that they can only rectify by talking to other women online, then that somebody needs to show you everything that he is saying to those women. Because next he will be telling YOU that he is helping THEM with their relationships.
Since he has these trust issues, wouldn't he want to dispell those same feelings in you by being forthright? I mean after all, since he has been subjected to them by his father and other GFs, he wouldn't want to exhibit any kind of behavior that would make you not trust him...RIGHT?
I'm, sorry sweety, I'm on a roll today and I am gonna just come out and tell you that you guy is so full of shit his teeth are floating. So the advice is honest and simple.
7 months is not a lot of time invested in someone. I suggest that if you want to stay with him, that you don't put up with this lame excuse and put the hammer down on him. He shows you everything, or its Adios!!!
But I really think you should just get yourself a different boyfriend. This guy is gonna keep doing it whether you like it or not, and you will eventually find yourself making justifications for it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I had an ex girlfriend who was the same, her trust issues ran so deep into the past that she couldn't remember where they began. This led her to subjecting me to hostile and controling behaviour and no matter how much i tried to support her and get her the help she needed she wouldn't listen, in the end it destroyed our relationship. He needs professional help and it won't happen overnight. Good luck and don't let it destroy yours:)
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