A
female
age
36-40,
*hvyrdnck
writes:I'm a 22 year old female, my boyfriend of 3 years is 27. I need help figuring out if he has been cheating on me. He a tow truck driver and works all the time, the problam is when i go to my parents he doesn't answer the phone most of the time i call and i have came home a few times and found signs that he might be cheating. The first time i found a girls ring on the bathroom sink, he said he found it. The next time i came home it smelt like girls purfum, he said he used my body wash (witch has a differnt smell. The last time when he came and picked me up he ask why is there a condom wrapper in the room? We have never used a condom. And he said he didnt ever use a condom with his ex wife. But he has no idea where it came from. I need help bad anyone that can help, it will help out alot. The expirey date on the condom is 2009. Could anyone tell me when it could have been bought?Thanks![moderator note - I have combined your other question into this one.]
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condom, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 sorry honey but he sounds like a cheat to me.my ex who i have a son with done exactly the same to me.he went to the "shops" one night and came back smelling of perfume.the trip that usually takes 1hr took 2half hrs?stuck in traffic (yeh right)!if it was only one thing i might give him the benefit of the doubt.the ring aswell,sounds like shes taken her ring off to wash her hands.i know this upsets you but be real.all the stuff you are finding belongs to a women.dont wait until you find the WOMAN like i did!
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (3 June 2008):
 OK.
It's difficult to trust someone who never seems to have the time for you. But, on the other hand, if he works so much has he really the time or the energy to be cheating with someone else?
Try to approach it logically, rather than always trying to find something that may not be there. Has his behaviour pattern changed in the three years you've been with him?
If he has much less time for you than he used to have and as far as you know nothing else has changed, then there's a possibility he is cheating.
If he has always been much the same as he is now, then it's far less likely that he is cheating. Although it is possible that he had someone else when you were first with him, it would be unusual to say the least. It rarely happens like that.
You say he is always tired - if he has been like that since you first knew him then think how unlikely it is that he could have anyone else. Do you think he could really cope with having another lover?
Sure it would be great if you could get him to spend more time with you, but that's really a separate issue. First, you need to be more certain that he's not cheating on you, and you really aren't sure, are you?
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A
female
reader, chvyrdnck +, writes (3 June 2008):
chvyrdnck is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just want to thank every one for thier answers and try to answer the questions that yall have! i have been with him for almost 3 years now, he was with his ex wife for 6 years and wasnt with anyone else after his ex wife besides me. He left his ex wife cuz she got in to drugs and drinking all the time, she thought her friends were more important then going home to him and thier daughter!!! i try to trust him but when he wont sit down and talk to me its kinda hard to. He tells me that hes not the type to talk about things and that he dosent have time to sit down and talk cuz he is so busy working and if he is not working then he wants to relax or sleep! Whitch i can understand that cuz he works all the time (he drives a tow truck) whitch bring the point that he never has time to spend with me, and is always to tired to make love. When he does have extra time he either sleeps or we go to the bar!!!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (3 June 2008):
As has already been said, if you can't trust him then you want to think seriously about whether you should continue this relationship.
And I don't just mean whether or not he is untrustworthy. I also mean that YOU have to be able to have trust in your partner. Being constantly suspicious - with or without good reason - will end in disaster one way or another.
The "signs" you've seen that make you think he might have been cheating, don't seem to me like an indication of that at all - not unless he is incredibly stupid as well. What man in his right mind who was having a woman (or more than one?!) in his house while his partner is away isn't going to clear up properly, check there's nothing that shouldn't be there (particularly in the bathroom and the bedroom), spray some air freshener around and make sure he had disposed of the condom wrapper? Is he that thick? I doubt it.
My guess would be that he's telling the truth or, at least, nearly the truth. The ring may well be a totally truthful answer. For the rest, a bit of surreptitious masturbation and an experiment with some girly smellies of yours would be my guess. Did you notice whether any of your clothes had been disturbed?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): If you sat him down and talked to him about what you have been and what your worries are, could you trust him if he said "I never cheated on you"? Would you believe him? Do you think he'd admit it if he had?
If you can't trust him then there's no point in being in the relationship? You obviously can't trust him or you wouldn't be trying to catch him out rather than just asking him. Condoms can last for years, but it'll be easier for us to know how long you have been with him and how long was he with his wife? Are you the only person he was with after his wife?
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A
female
reader, chvyrdnck +, writes (3 June 2008):
chvyrdnck is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to let everyone know i found the condom about 3 to 4 months ago and been trying to catch him with someone else but nothing yet!!! I dont want to lose him, i love him a lot and my son loves him and only know him as his daddy and i dont wont my son to lose seeing him all the time. But i was also wondering if anyone know of a good way i can catch him in the act??? The only thing is i dont have a car so i can follow him around to see what he is doing!!! Any help will be appreciated!!!
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A
female
reader, Aeval  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 hmmm could have been bought as early as last week I guess.
These signs sound very strange, it sounds to me that you already know the answer. I am sad to say that all this points in the direction that yes he is cheating on you.
I hope you will be ok ( I am sure you will). You will be better off without a cheating BF. It will hurt for awhile but you will cope.
Good luck
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