A
female
age
51-59,
*onfusedlynda
writes:I met this guy who ask me for a dance, we had a great time and seem to hit if off instantly. He walk me to my car and we continued to talk for some time, than he kiss me very respectfully. Since we had met its been six weeks now. We both just got out of a long term relationship, mine was 14yrs, his 1 1/2, but before that it was 10yr. Neither of us has been on our own. We both agree we are not ready to BF or GF, but we have seen each other for time to time. however, since his ex called I feel that he has become distance. He says he is not getting back with her ( she lives in another state)We have so much in common, its scary. We both feel like we have known each other forever. We are so comfortable with each other. The problem I feel that he runs hot and cold. When we are together we cuddle and hold each other like there is no one else in the world. however, after that he distance himself. We have talked I ask if had bardwirer around his heart and his reply was "no the berlin wall" I ask if he will give anyone a chisel. I'm unsure what to do, I do not text unless he does, trying to give me the space that I feel he needs, but it hurts me. I think its because of my own insecurity, due to the end of my relationship, I know, I feel lonely, hurt and needy and unloved. I don't want to scare him off. It only been 6 weeks, I am lost and need advise. Please help
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female
reader, confusedlynda +, writes (4 December 2008):
confusedlynda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to say thanks and I pray that you are right. I will give him all the space that he needs. He hasn't talk, text since Thanksgiving. I text saying that I had enjoyed cuddling with him, and that I hope his Thanksgiving went well. I also text a send all on Saturday to let everyone know I was going out of town with a girl friend, sense we agree no cell phones & did a send all on my rtn. With a special one for him it had a pix of me in it. I still didn't get a response. So I did one last text, saying ok, I can take a hint, and I will leave him alone. still nothing...I'm I blowing it. My feeling was hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Hang in there, be patient. I know it is not easy, but don't scare him off. He is not ready to commit and you don't want to rush into a relationship with him on the rebound. It might take a few months, but give it some time. Break the wall around his heart down by melting the ice slowly. Give him lots of love and attention when you are together. Don't push him to fast. Let him know that you are there for him and make him feel very special.
In the meantime, take advantage of the opportunity and work on your own insecurities and improve your own self esteem. Read some bookdks on relationships and do some things to improve yourself. You will benefit from it to feel more self assured and self confident.
There are some excellent books that all of us in life, no matter what are marital status or our relationship status, can benefit from. Self improvement and gaining knowledge is a way to enrich and empower yourself.
Don't despair, just be patient. Try to keep your emotions under controll and don't allow your own needs to affect your behavior and cloud your judgement.
Good luck. Keep me posted.
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