A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship since 3 years and 2 months. In the beginning, everything was so blossomy and absolutely superb. She didn’t have enough very good friends as such, and she always used to come to me, and discuss her issues/feelings/wants and other sweet stuff with me. However, during that stage, I was kind of possessive about her – I didn’t allow her to talk to any suspicious guys, and I always told her to stay from jerky people. I agree, that was my bad. Last December, we had a major fight about this, and the fight was pretty intense. It was mostly about her telling me that I kept her off some good people, and that I was way too possessive about her. I agreed, and I apologized, and everything smoothened down. I felt happy.But this year January, she turned 18 and began to act really weird. She got into a new university and she got a lot of friends there. From then on, all that she tells me is nothing about her feelings, emotions, or any other thing. I am a graphic designer, and I worked my ass off for a very intensely sweet digital greeting, and all that I get for that is crude - “thank you, its sweet.” Everything has to involve her friends, and she never told me one single emotional thing since she got her new friends. Am I a play boy or stuff like that? Because I feel she has used me. Everything has changed. She doesn’t depend on me anymore, she never ever listens to me (all this, from the time she got some friends), and treats me like her servant, or her “guy” as such, never as a lover or a special person. She keeps me waiting for hours and hours, and she never really bothers about me and my insanely immense waiting hours. She holds my calls, and disappears into Mars, and almost never returns back, and even if she does return, she goes like – “Can I call you tomorrow? I am sleepy.” She tells me to help her friends with some university letters and stuff because my English is quite good. And that’s it. She acts very nice when she has to get a favor fulfilled by me, and literally, emotionally dumps into a dustbin when she’s short of any work of hers to be done by me. This is really bothering me a lot. It’s not letting me concentrate on my chores, and am really vexed by this. Just today, she told me: “You are very boring.” I was both shocked and surprised by this attitude of hers. She wants everything to be done her way. EVERYTHING. She doesn’t value my opinion or my feelings, and treats me like trash. What do I do in this respect? I really loved her lots and now, I feel that I also loved sacrificing my self respect for the sake of her all the while.Please help, and I promise you a very good friend (which is me), who will be lovable and adorable – that’s the best I can give to a genuine hearted helper here.
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 I think most people change with the transition to university - it sounds as though for the first time, she has found herself with a comfortable and secure circle of friends where she lives, and therefore no longer relies on you for emotional support. Instead of feeling that you have become worthless, you should be focusing on embracing this new happiness in her life. Its also not uncommon for people to "reinvent" themselves before starting university - again it seems like, to a degree, this applies to your girlfriend, and its natural for you to be worried about the change, but again it does seem to have made her happy. If you feel things have changed too much and your original happiness with the relationship is unsalvageable, then this may be the time to break it off. However i would suggest that a long talk with your girlfriend, covering your fears that she is no longer as open with you or as respectful of you, would be a more suitable way to go!Good luck :) xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): hey
if u care so much to change this then its a good thing.just tell her how u feel...whatever u wrote here,tell her.
she is just 18.girls are confused about what they want at this age.they dont understand themselves till they are 23.
for the moment....let her know how u are feeling right now.
please dont be so possessive since it shows lack of trust.give her space.
try talking to her about her new university.we all need friends.
trust her.
if u want to be special person ...do special things for her.nothing extraordinary but little things that make her feel special.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Anonymous,
Thank you for the answer but I don't think you got the question correctly, I said I apologized for the controlling behavior and that got settled. My question is about the other part which I hope you could have identified in the query I have written..
:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): She is obvioulsy sick and tired of your controlling behaviour, and has got herself a healthy life at last.
Good luck to her I say.!
My freind - you will never keep a woman with the attiude you have - sort yourself out.
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