A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. i am in a long distance relationship. my other half lives 150 miles away. we had been together for 2 years and then split, but realised it was a mistake. by then he was 150 miles away in a new job earning a good wage which he enjoys. our relationship is good except for the distance. it is always me who has to travel too because of our living situations- i live in a small village with my parents and brothers and sisters, as i'm a student. my parents disapprove of boyfriends "staying over" and my room is tiny. they also disapprove of the relationship, saying that they dont believe in "getting back together". whats more i don't feel comfortable having friends over letalone my partner.the problem is, that the distance is making me incredibly tired. i'm currently working full time, and i have to work satudays, so i have to run home, grab my stuff and get on the train. by the time i arrive, i'm exhausted and my partner is overjoyed to see me, but i just want to rest. if my partner plans a surprise treat or a day trip as he often does, its another trip out! we dont have much time to do anything saturday nights so we have one day to see each other before i have to go home. i feel that i now associate seeing my boyfriend with feeling tired and the thought of making the long journey and feeling unsettled. i worked out i spend about 20 hours a week travelling to places! in the bigger picture it makes me feel unsettled, packing, unpacking, packing, unpacking. his house is not my house, my parents house is not my house, and also i feel like we cant spend enough time together to try and make our relationship work. i inwardly find myself getting annoyed at my partner if i say i cant see him and hes disappointed and i dread telling him if one week i dont want to come, because he takes it personally. if i don't go, i wish i'd gone! i get cranky if he wants to do something on saturday night, as i find myself snapping "ive had enough, leave me alone, i just want a rest". we do try and make the most of our time together but the travelling and emotional upheaval is tiring me out. we've not been together long, and i cant ask him to move- hes already stated that he doesnt want to live here, and i no way want to live in the big city. but we have agreed relocation is too soon. so i guess i have another year of this. is this normal? any people in a long distance relationship can relate or have any tips? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I have empathy with you and your situation. Relationships can be difficult and over a long distance really takes some doing from both parties to make it work. What also concerns me is that you did break up before and then got back together; have you resovlved the issues for the breakdown of the relationship the first time?
I suggest you talk with your boyfriend face to face and explain to him how tiring the travelling is for yourself.
I suggest you discuss other options, maybe travel to him every alternate weekend. There is lots of other wyas to stay in touch when you are not with him, you can chat via the internet or phone each other or send text message.
Remember, you can be connected with somebody even if yu are not with them in person!This could help you to get rest and enjoy it more when you are spending time with each other.
I believe if this guy really cares for you as he should, he will understand and be prepared to compensate.
I know of many couples in long distance relationships that do not see each other as often and they seem to make it work succesfully.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, B and T  +, writes (7 June 2008):
We had a few weeks together then she went home, 4000 miles away, thought it was over. We missed each other and stayed in contact. I flew to see her 4 months later, know how you feel was just weary, thought it was over then. Two months later She took a month off work and came to see me. Eight months later we were married. That was seven years ago. Give it some space if this is the one you can survive some distance and time apart. Luck.
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