A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20, talking to a guy that's 21.We live just over 100 miles away. (I still find that LD if you can't see the person spontaneously)I'm in university and he graduated from university last year, and is now taking a gap year whilst working a weekend job, before he starts looking for full-time jobs.We met in December 2012 when I was visiting my friends at their university in a different city, he lives in the same town as my friends.Ever since I left that town and came back home, me and him have been texting pretty much every single day. From when we wake up, all throughout the day (we will reply whenever we can) until the evening/night.He said he is coming to visit me for two days, hopefully sometime in between the end of March and middle of April, depending on when he's able to make it.We both have determined that we like each other and so far it's gotten quite serious, obviously I don't know a whole lot about him but I know him enough for now to know that I like him.Problem is, he doesn't like phone calls.We have had one phone conversation which lasted a couple of hours but it took a while for him to call me. The conversation went like this:Me: So when am I finally going to be able to have a phone conversation with ya :)Him: Ahhhh I was expecting this question sooner or later lolMe: Lol how come?Him: You're a female so I knew it was comingMe: Heyyy, it's not just the females that ask for phone calls you know.Him: Men don't usually ask for phone calls lolMe: Lol what's so bad about a man asking for a phone call, I see it as a good thing.Him: I'd be enticing for a face to face conversation instead of talking on the phone to be honest :)Me: We would have had a face to face conversation, but we do live far away from each other, so a phone call will have to do for the time being lolHim: Lool well it's a good thing I'd like that as wellMe: Lol you could've just called me then, if you wanted to have one too.Him: I know but it's not crucial for me, I don't mind only texting a girl I like.(After this conversation it still took him a long time to actually ring me, it seemed like he was trying to avoid it, and he took a nap and watched a 2 hour film before he actually called, but when he did, he was talking endlessly)So I can gather that he doesn't like phone calls, and if he ever did want one, he wouldn't ask, because apparently it's not a "manly" thing to do.I know A LOT of guys don't like talking on the phone, but I would like another one, but I don't really want to ASK for a phone call all the time, it's really nice when you see the guy you like ringing you randomly. We haven't spoken on the phone for over 2 months now, we have just been texting, and I would like another one but I'm just nervous to ask, I have wanted a couple but I just didn't want to ask because of the reaction I got the first time I asked, and I don't want him to be hesitant again and try to avoid one like the previous time.Also, I don't want regular phone conversations, I wouldn't say I'm a phone person, most times I can't be bothered to talk but one phone call every 1-2 weeks wouldn't kill him, I'm not asking for one daily. I mean, should I be nervous to ask him? I just don't want to be turned down. And there's only so much you can get to know through texting, sometimes a phone call can just get someone to open up a little bit more than they would through text.I also feel as though phone conversations are more important in our situation because we do like each other but we are long distance, so we can't see each other face to face all the time and we need other means of communication. If I was seeing him face to face regularly, I wouldn't care about phone calls at all. But seeing as we're not in a relationship and we're still getting to know each other, it is a bit tricky to ask for phone calls, etc, I don't want to be nagging or pushy, but at the same time, I'm not asking for loads, just one.Plus, I have Skype, I don't know if he does, I doubt he would want to Skype though, especially if he doesn't like phone calls.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 OP thanks for the update! Sounds like it's going well here...You expressed your needs and he understands and is willing to compromise... much like my hubby did for me.. he did not like the phone and did not need daily contact but I wanted it... (we were dating) so he eventually agreed to the two daily phone calls (it started out as my calling at bedtime for a goodnight call and then he asked me to call at 8 in the morning to wake him)I'm glad you guys are visiting in a few weeks. I hope the visit goes well....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your comments.So_very_confused, I don't mind giving him a call but I don't want to bug him or ring him when he is busy, which is why I prefer to ask if he's able to have a phone conversation before I actually call or he calls me.I spoke to him about this, and he said he will give me a call tomorrow evening.I also asked him more about why he doesn't like phone calls and he said he has always been quiet like that, he doesn't like phone calls from anybody, nor does he like ringing people.He said it is much easier for me to get things out of him in a text rather than over the phone, he loves to have face to face conversations regularly but obviously that doesn't really work because we live far from each other. But I did explain to him that I'm the opposite and would like some sort of common ground, because I would like to speak on the phone from time to time, and he said that's not a problem, so hopefully we can have one every few weeks, and then maybe try once a week, and so on, until he gets more comfortable with it. Seeing as we are not serious or in a relationship yet, I don't want to be too pushy, he said he does like me, and he doesn't mind calling me or picking up the phone if I want to speak or if I feel like speaking on the phone, but I won't push it too much. Over time, I'll gradually shorten the gaps between phone calls.As for planning to meet up, we both wanted to be on the same page before we decided to go through with it, he is coming to visit me in the next few weeks.Plus, I know what you mean by 100s of emails a day, me and this guy text each other all the time, which sort of makes up for the phone calls, but obviously I'm not open in text messages, whereas hes not open in phone calls, so we do need to compromise.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2013):
Sageoldguy, I love you darling but you may be wrong here... some guys (and gals) just don't like to talk on the phone....it's not that they are cheating or hiding something.
My husband can and did go weeks without talking to me on the phone early on in our LDR... and even once we started daily contact, it was usually me that made the calls..... and even then, he would sometimes not hear the phone or it didn't ring or he was asleep and didn't hear it...
He'd send me 80 emails in one day if it meant not talking on the phone... even now in running the household, questions when we are not at home are handled via email rather than phone calls.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 AS a guy, I can - and will - tell you why this guy "prefers" texting to verbal phone calls.....
You see... with TEXTING, he isn't interrupted - whilest he is out with his OTHER "girlfriend" - by having to ANSWER your (verbal) call... He can let the message sit until he gets rid of - or out of sight of - this other girl... and then he can "answer" you....
You - being unawares that he has OTHER girls who he hangs with - are giving him a "pass" that "..he doesn't like phone calls..." which is really so much B/S when you look at it and him through a bit more jaundiced eye....
Good luck..... I suggest that you may be wasting your time with this character....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2013):
That would make me crazy. the problem is he's in touch daily right?
don't ASK for a phone call... if you are a couple CALL HIM if you need it.
when my hubby and I were LDR (about 100 miles and a 2 hour drive) at first it was all email... no calls and no texting. He hates phones and texting....
some days we actually would have over 100 emails back and forth...
slowly we built up to phone calls... first one a week, then eventually one a day... and eventually after we were serious it was an 8 am call made by me to him at his request and then I would call him when I got into bed at night as I went to bed earlier than him... sometimes both calls together lasted less than 5 minutes.
Ask him if he skypes
ask him if you can call him twice a week as it helps you connect...
then just go with hey how are you, just touching base...
so this is going on since December and you really like each other... why haven't you made plans to meet up again?
100 miles is not much.
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