A
male
age
36-40,
*man123
writes:Hi, I am 23 yrs old, and have been with my girlfriend for about 3 1/2 years now. This isnt including a period of time we were broken up for about 6 months about a year ago. Anyway during this period of singleness, I enlisted in the US Navy. The Navy has been something ive wanted for a long time, but never joined b/c I was with my girlfriend, so when I thought we were over, I joined. So we got back together and I love her but my time is coming up when I go off to the ship for 6-8 months at a time (my enlistment is 5 years). She really wants to get married right away. I love her and want to be with her but I didn't forsee this when I enlisted and I really dont think that this is a good time for me to get married b/c of how much i will be gone and b/c i feel like i should experience the Navy alone because i have no idea what to expect. Anyway does anyone have any advice? I can see myself married to her a few years in the future but not really right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): I am in a similar situation. I have joined the army and my guy of 4 years wants to get married right away. We have discussed it in the past but not definently. I had to break down and let him no that my love for him will not change because I am in the military. I do not want to rush and get married for a few reasons. He understood me, we came to common ground and now he wants to enlist as well. some woman want to have the feeling of security when their other half is in the military, other woman just want the benifits. If you guys love eachother take your time.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 April 2010):
Slow right down. The Army girlfriend below has it right. These marriages can last, but only if both are truly committed. You and your girlfriend were having serious problems before and that's why you split. But now you've got back together, and suddenly she's wanting to get married before you go away without working through the problems that you had before. You need to make sure you can both handle the distance, and work through the problems you had that cause you to split in the first place. That last thing you need is to get married and within a few months know you've made a mistake.
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reader, Isa123 +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Hello! Army Girlfriend here.My boyfriend and I are pretty serious. We've agreed to get married before his deployment (probably coming up in a couple of years). Like some comments below say, a lot of these marriages do not last, but that truly depends on the couple. If you both truly want this, then it can work out. You two can handle the separation. Marriage lets everyone, and the government, know your unification as a couple. And as a member of the military, you should know that everyday matters. If you are not ready, then by all means, don't get married now. But your girlfriend should know that your priorities are different now. Is she willing to wait? Do you both TRULY want this to work?I wish you the best of luck!
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female
reader, chanelcarlyne +, writes (9 April 2010):
I think you have a good reason in not wanting to marry now. But seeing things through her eyes you two have been together for a time long enought to decide what both of you feel towards each other. Thee is love between you two so marriage is a possibility. Thing is she needs security while your gone that she is doing the right thing in waiting for you and staying faithful to you. Knowing she has a husband will give her the strengthto stay with a man she will stop seeing for a long time... idk in my opinion you should if you see you marrying her in the near future when she needs it to be stronger without you.. good luck
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 If you don't get married to her , you may lose her to someone.
You cannot expect her to wait 5 years for you to come back for her.
You will have to decide which is more important to you ,'Career or wife?'
If you can convince her to wait for another 2 or 3 years, it will be good as you don't know what to expect once you are in the navy.
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 April 2010):
If you don't want to marry her now, then don't do it. You're still very young and have a lot ahead of you. I live in a city where there's a lot of military, including the Navy, and A LOT of those marriages fail. You're gone for so many months at a time and you may end up stationed in another country. A lot of these women (and I'm not saying all) get lonely and cheat on their husbands while they're deployed. Same goes for a lot of the husbands as well. Besides something like that, just the distance and never seeing one another takes a huge toll on the relationship.
I'm not saying to dump her, but don't marry her, especially if you're not even ready to. You're not in the right place of your life right now for that and that's completely fine! Live your life and enjoy being in the Navy. I know several people in the Navy and they have all had great experiences.
You need to let her know how you feel and that you're not ready to be married right now. Either she'll accept it or she won't, but that's her problem. The last thing you want is to be married to someone that you're not quite ready to be married to (which would probably lead to divorce) then end up with a baby on the way and you're on a ship somewhere.
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