A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend never calls me or texts me. We are in a L.D.R and we have been friends for many years and he has always been this way not with me but with other friends as well but i thought that if we became a couple he would make more of an effort to be in touch. He tells me he loves me and when were out together he talks to me holds my hand and isn't ashamed of me but he makes little effort to stay in touch and he doesn't come to see me, i usually go there and stay with him and his family. He is a uni though and he says he would love to come and stay with me and get out of his home town. I know its nothing to do with meeting my friends, he used to live here and has been to visit a few times and he likes me friends and they like him. But sometimes i just feel really un loved. I know he has a lot on his mind but i wish he would talk to me about it. Our relationship hasn't been straight forward and he hurt me very badly in the past after having a nervous breakdown and excluding me from his life for 6 months and all the rest of it, i really love him and i want to make this work but i don't know if i can cope with the feeling of being rejected. I need some stability but i don't know how to talk to him about it when i only see him once ever 3/4 weeks and i want that time to be special and stress free.
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female
reader, smitheroon  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 I'm really sorry, sweetie. I hate to say it, but it sounds like he doesn't love you. If he does love you, then he has an awful way of showing it or his capacity for love at the moment is quite minimal.
It can be so easy to get seriously caught up in these emotions and lose sight of what's most important. What are the priorities in your life? Where do you get your meaning from? I would really recommend that you start focusing on what's most important AND healthy for you. This relationship sounds quite destructive and when we focus all of our emotional life onto something that provides zero feedback in a healthy, positive way, then we find ourselves missing out on the beautiful life surrounding us. The Navajo used to wake their children up in the mornings, go out and show them the rising sun, and teach them that each day a new sun rises and we have to be very good with our day so as to not let the sun down. Each day is very precious, and this sort of relationship is only sucking the life out of you.
Focus your efforts somewhere healthy. Find meaning in other things. I don't know what kind of person you are, but if you can put more effort into your job or other relationships or even volunteering with those in need, you might find letting go of this relationship isn't that hard at all. Shift your focus and put yourself first. :)
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