A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm graduating college in June. I have no desire to walk at the ceremony especially considering it's for a blank piece of paper. However, my family desperately wants me to walk and my grandmother even bought my cap and gown for me. To be respectful of their wishes and wanting to do something nice for them, I figured..."why not, it won't kill me." Well, a couple of years ago, I was dating an emotionally abusive guy and hung around a very horrible group of "friends." After a suicide attempt, they all abandoned me because they "didn't condone my actions." Realizing they were probably just using me because I drove and they really weren't good friends, I branched off. Apparently, some of these people are going to be graduating with me. The mere though of bumping into them makes me sick to my stomach.I told my boyfriend this, but was still going to suck it up and walk. He was outraged at this. He went on an entire rant about why I shouldn't do it and how awful my parents are (he hates them-says they're not "his kind of people") My parents aren't the greatest and they've gave me a lot of grief throughout my life, but it's not like they knew any better. It's not as though they were deliberately trying to screw me up. It's not like they don't care. They're human beings-they made mistakes. But he doesn't care. He even gave me the whole "either your parents mean more to you or I do." And went on a rant about how he's done more to get me through college than they have and about how his wishes are more important. He keeps telling me to do what I want and not worry about doing anything for them out of obligation, and that they bullied me into doing something I didn't want to. Ironically enough, they were basically begging me to..he's the one "bullying me" into doing what HE wants me to do. Then, because I kept telling me I wasn't sure if I was going to walk or not yet, he got even angrier because I "never listen to him" which basically means, if I don't do what he wants, then I'm not listening. He also declared if I did, he would not be there, nor at the after party. Again, most of this is because he hates me parents and doesn't want my ex bf or ex friends approaching me.He's normally quite sweet and enjoyable, but his reaction is just uncalled for..isn't it? I spent most of my evening alone and in silence last night because I was so hurt and upset that I didn't really want or know how to approach him. Needless to say, he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong and never approached me either. I somewhat feel as though he's making the mistake and should come to me first, but now he's changing his plans again for my art show tonight. Instead of going in with me early together, he's decided to just wait until it starts to show up because he "has things to do" meaning he has to go buy some games from Best Buy after work instead of accompany me to the art show. It's only an hour...but still, we had plans to go together and he now is snippy because he doesn't see it as big deal. Sadly, my distance is making him angrier instead of concerned. I have no idea what to do because now I'm stuck facing classmates and a sea of people at an art show all day putting on a fake smile-something I totally suck at. I won't have time to talk to him because he isn't going to be home first. Sorry this is kind of long, but I wanted to get the facts in there. We've never been in such a situation (been together almost 2 years). I'm not sure what to do or to say? Should I just keep my confused distance and wait for him to come to me or should I confront him-which will be more difficult because I'm not sure how? Should I walk at my graduation for my parents, or stay at home for my boyfriend? I really don't want to walk, but don't want to disappoint anybody. It seems that no matter the route I take...I'm upsetting somebody and I'll still end up feeling either guilty and/or hurt. I'm so confused :(
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bullied, emotionally abusive, grandmother, my ex, no desire Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dreamlover  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 hum first of all YOU SHOULD WALK!!
Secondly you have done nothign wrong here, ther only thing that is wrong is that the man you love and who says he loves you is not proud of you and is not supporting you for taking this big step to walk infront of everyone!!!
You lived for a reason, beacuse you are a strong individual who has a plan mapped out for her. Dont you dare let anyone and i mean anyone take that away from you!!!
Your BF has growing up to do, and as harsh as this may sound im gonna say it, YOU NEED TO DECIDE IF HIS IN THIS FOR THE LONG HAUL OR WASTING YOUR TIME.
You and only you can make this work, so go out there keep your chin up and yes smile cos you have accomplished somethings that people never get to acoomplish. Be proud of yourself and dont rely on that knuckle head to make you happy if he cant, You halfway there
The world is yours for the taking!!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 May 2009):
 I'm sorry I think your Boyfriend is being controlling. Games are more important then your art show? So he's not really that supportive of you either?
I think if you did finish college that you should do the walk. Did you parents pay for your college? Do you love them? Screw the other people who are there, you will be there for your parents and your grandma. If you ask me your BF should want to BE there for you when you walk, not be such a drama queen, I don't see him paying for your school.
You can not please ALL the people ALL the time. You need to figure out what YOU really want to do. However, showing a little respect and gratitude for your parents is not going to hurt you.
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