A
male
age
41-50,
*lick
writes:I have started seeing this girl (28 I am 34) a 2 months ago. We liked each other right away and after a few times we made love. We where both traveling the first month so we only got together briefly 3 times and made love. She then came to my city for a month to work and we saw each almost everyday briefly but ended up making love only about once a week. Mostly because we live kind of far and she is always busy in the evenings for one reason or the other.She eventually had to go back home and I was hoping to have some intimacy before she left but no way, I proposed to her in every way but nope she preferred to do other things or was tired or everything seemed to get priority over us.So before she left I asked her wether she was seeing someone else and she swore no that she wanted to only see me. I told her that I want and need to make love to her more often and asked her if she felt the same and said yes. Well if so why she avoided it for like the last 2 weeks???? I don't get it. I get this refusal very personally as us or me is the last priority after going to work out or meeting friends etc. etc.In addition to that I don't understand how she is not worried about leaving me like this, sexless for 2 weeks, when she knows I have a lot of female friends that I can sleep with fairly easily.Also this no worrying on her side I feel it as a sign of lack of interest.Well after writing this down I guess she is not that interested, thats all! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 People who are in relationships for years find it hard if suddenly they have distance between them so I can completely understand what you mean, off course it is going to be hard if you both cannot meet up more and get to know each other better. The distance is going to be a problem with you and that is why deep down maybe the best thing for you to do is to give up this woman and go in search off someone who lives closer to you.
A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (9 October 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yeah thats what I am doing now, letting her lead.
She left a week ago and we have talked daily, one day I call her and the next she calls me pretty casually.
Finally we talked about meeting (I brought it up!) and I mentioned I have to head to her town for work next week and she said good.
I hoped she would say that was too far away and wanted to see me this week. Anyhow this distance and luck of seeing each other really annoys me especially since we have just started dating and when we see each other we can't keep our hands and lips off.
What I am feeling is that distance is growing us apart and this truly bother me.
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (7 October 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK thanks again for the follow up. I agree I begged to much to have sex and this resulted in her pulling away. I agree that that should not be the first priority which is not but I really like her and to me it seems normal to desire her intimately especially if she does not live in my town but she happen to be her for a months. To make the most of it which we did as we saw each other daily but only got intimate once or twice a week.
Now she went back home and we email each other daily and talk once a day.
Before leaving I did ask her if she wanted to continue our relationship and she said yes, so I asked her when shall we meet again saying I could come down and visit, and she was very vague saying she does not know and so on as she is looking for a new house and has been away from her city for all the summer and has a lot of stuff to catch up to.
Well now its been 5 days since she left, we speak and email everyday but I decided not to bring up the intimacy issue and I told her that, as I felt I was begging. I also decide not to ask her again when we shall meet as I asked her that before making it very clear that I was available to come and see her.
I kind of feel we are growing apart as we talk on the phone but without any kind of meeting up plan or goal things I feel things kind of fade out.
I really like her and wanna see her. How can she not feel the need to see each other?
From my perspective she not that taken by me as I am by her.
Or maybe she needs time to get to know each others and maybe some distance helps?
Otherwise why she would say she still wants to kept it on and talk to each others everyday?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 October 2012):
Well you may want more, but the way you behaved shows that sex is number one for you and then any thing after that comes second. Yes am sure she pulled back because of this. Most women want a man who sex is not his top priority. They take the time to get to know them and then allow an intimate relationship to develop. You are trying to get sex with her without making the effort of getting to know her or waiting until she is comfortable to move the relationship to the next step. You need to think about her feelings and not just your own.
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (4 October 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello aunt honesty, I have to disagree with you. I really like her and want her but I also definetely want intimacy too as I any dude anywhere anytime, crudely stated. I can get laid pretty easily and if thats all I wanted then I would not be hanging out with her that has a complicated life, lives far away and so far this has resulted in little intimacy.But in a way you are right.Me pressuring her to have sex, made her take a step back and withold, I guess to see if btw the 2 of us is more than that. Maybe? If I understood women I would not be here.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 October 2012):
This situation is not going to change. It is clear all you are wanting is sex, and she is not willing to have that kind of relationship with you as she wants more. You pressured her in to trying to come and have sex with you yet she just wants to get to know you better, but it looks by now she will have got the impression you are just looking for sex from her so she will have that opinion of you now.
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (4 October 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthxs for the answers.
ok she told me that she barely knows me, so I take that as a need to get to know each other more.
I definetely a week ago when she said she was tired and late, both true, desperately tried to convince her to come and make love. Ever since that, she has been dodging sex and I have been insisting more and more untill I brought the issue.
I now told her I would not ask her anymore to have sex or see each other as she never seems to have time, as I have been begging enought.
So now we just call each other long distance and talk or chat online.
I'll see how long I can hold this situation.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (3 October 2012):
It is still very early days between the both of you, so maybe you should concentrate more on getting to know her better as well as being intimate with her. Maybe she thinks that all you are looking for is sex and that is why she is not willing to spend all the time you have together being intimate. What happened to dating someone and getting to know them? If you really like her, and you think she could make a good girlfriend, then concentrate on making her feel special and getting to know her, if you pressure her for sex only then she will lose interest.
As for leaving you without having sex and not being worried, well I do not see why she should be. Plenty of people go without sex for much longer. Maybe this does not bother her because she trusts that you will not just go and have sex with the first girl you meet. Maybe she has faith in you as a man and a partner. I am unsure what it is that you want exactly with this woman but just because she is busy and does not have a lot of sex with you does not mean she is interested.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAunt  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I understand you have needs, but calm down, it's been 2 weeks! it's manageable.
There could be many reasons for her lack of interest in sex the last 2 weeks, as you said she is very busy.. she may just be tired? Just because she hasn't had sex with you for two weeks, doesn't mean she is no longer interested in you. Listen to her when she says she feels the same way.
If you've only been together 2 months there may be a reason she's not yet comfortable enough with you to tell you.
Not to sound mean but you sounded a bit pressuring in your post. She's working and probably exhausted, why not be a little more sensitive and give her a relaxing night in next time for her to de-stress? It might even put her in a better mood. You haven't been together too long, it wouldn't kill you to have a sexless week or two just talking and getting to know one another, would it?
and hey, guess what? she's not worried about leaving you because she trusts you. Amazing, right?
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