A
male
age
36-40,
Danielepew
writes:Something one of my aunts sent me:When I was born, the doctor went to the waiting room and told my father: "We did all we could, but he was born alive". My mom didn't know whether she should keep me or the placenta. Since I was born before term, they put me into an incubator... with dark glasses.My mom never breastfed me; she said we were only friends. So, instead of breastfeeding me, she would sit with her back to me. That must be why I'm this short. So short, indeed, that I'm not short, but deep.I've always been a hairy guy, too. People always asked my mom: "Miss, did you give birth to him, or just wove him?My dad always kept the little picture of a baby that came with his wallet.Pretty soon, I realized that my parents hated me. My bathtub toys were a radio and a toaster.One day I got lost. I asked the policeman whether he thought we would ever find my parents, and he said "I dunno, there's just so many places they could be hiding in".Once I was kidnapped. The kidnappers chopped one of my fingers and sent it to my parents, to ask for a ransom. My mom said that she needed further evidence.I had to work since I was very young. I worked at a veterinary clinic. People would always ask me how much they were selling me for.Once, this chick called me home and said "Come home; nobody's here". When I got there, nobody was there, really.My wife loves our conversations after sex. She always calls me, no matter what hotel she's staying in. Reply to this Article |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
male
reader, q1605  +, writes (10 October 2009):
 I got kidnapped when I was a child. My parents immediately sprang into action. They rented out my room.
My love life is pathetic. The last time I was in a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty
A
female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (10 October 2009):
 when i was a kid one year we were coming home from colorado and we had driven miles without finding a place to stop for the night. My mom said maybe there will be a motel in litterbarrell, texas. My dad said LITTERBARRELL? she said, the sign said litterbarrell 2 miles!
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A
female
reader, Nightingale +, writes (10 October 2009):
 HAhaHAha funny stuff. My side hurts.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (10 October 2009):
I rolled a stop sign and got pulled over. I told the cop I slowed down. He started to beat me with his night stick. I said WTF are you doing? He asked me if I wanted him to stop or slow down.
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A
female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (10 October 2009):
my mom was stopped by the police for running a stop sign. The officer said, 'ma'am, im going to give you a citation.' She said, 'oh, THANK you officer, i was afraid i was going to get a ticket!'
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (10 October 2009):
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look ... twins!
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A
female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (10 October 2009):
my favorite memory of summer is learning to swim. It wasnt that hard after i got out of the towsack...
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (9 October 2009):
I was so ugly my mother fed me with a sling shot
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A
female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (8 October 2009):
i told my mother...'but ma im tired of going in circles.'... she said, 'shut up kid, or i'll nail your other foot to the floor.' she told me she was sending me on a vacation i told her, 'but ma, i dont want to go to china'...she said, 'shut up kid and keep digging!'
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (7 October 2009):
Did someone say tough neighborhood? I stuck my hand in some freshly poured cement and felt another hand.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (7 October 2009):
I played with matches when I was in third grade. They took me to a psychologist who told my parents that I was criminally insane. I wanted a second opinion. He told me I dress like a dork.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (7 October 2009):
I am from an old family in the iron and steel business. My mother iron's and my father steals.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (7 October 2009):
Oh yeah? When I was a kid they had to tie a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew + ♥, writes (5 June 2009):
Danielepew is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, this was an actual e-mail. I suppose it's all fake, just for laughing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): :D .. yet.. :(
I hope your jokes aren't based off of true stories!
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A
female
reader, iamme2 +, writes (31 December 2008):
funny nice if some one had to go through that wow i feel bad for that bastard run kid run
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Hee Hee.Hee Hee.
Thanks for the joke.Wes should probably have more such articles.They bring a smile on when we need them the most.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (27 December 2008):
 ¡El pobre chavo! :(
Jajajaja. Thanks for sharing! A little humor is just what the doctor ordered. :)
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