A
male
age
41-50,
*eird adoption q
writes:I have been dating a girl in a long distance relationship for three months now. She just sent me a letter that told me how she got pregnant a couple of years ago with a jerk ex-boyfriend. She had the kid and gave it away in an open adoption. She still has contact with the child and expects me to embrace this as part of her. What is it like dating / marrying someone who already had a child and gave it away but still keeps in contact? Any other ideas, comments?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): It is part of her! If you love her, truly love her, then you have to get used to the idea she has a kid! I don't quite understand an open adoption, but I'm thinking that she has given up all parental rights and the baby is placed in foster care until adopted permanently. I don't know if she would be able to see her child once it is adopted. But whatever the case...it is part of her past and part of falling in love is accepting you partners past.
As you get older you will learn that potential partners come with "baggage."
We all make mistakes and poor choices, some that stick with us the rest of our lives!
I've lived a wild and crazy life...and although my life is totally different now, my man tells me he loves me all the more because it has all made me who I am today!
If it bothers you that much, maybe you should move on. If it's something you think you could get used to, then give it time. Let yourself process the info and ask yourself "Do I want to continue this relationship knowing about the baby?" See what answers you come up with, and good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008):
If you really like this girl and really want to make a go of things with her and see it getting serious, then what is the problem? It may seem strange at first, but you will become used to it and accept it. Your girl will have the upper most respect for you to be there for her and understand her and what she went through. It will mean a great deal to her that you will be there for her and not only accept her, but accept this child too.
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