A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's sister is years younger than him and they have a very close-knit relationship.I feel pathetic because I'm jealous of their relationship and how much time they get to spend together, whereas I'm lucky to see him once a week. It's completely irrational and I try to tell myself that they're family, so it shouldn't bother me much.I think part of it stems from the fact that she has refused to speak to me for almost two years now. I don't know what I did wrong and she won't tell me- she ignored me the one time I politely asked if I'd accidentally done anything that she didn't like. She didn't like me before, either, but now she won't even greet me when she sees me. It hurts that she treats me like I'm disgusting- she refuses to sit next to me or even be in the same car as me. I'm jealous that if someone treated her like she treats me, my boyfriend would be very upset. But he doesn't care that she treats me like scum on her shoe for no apparent reason.But the fact remains. I'm jealous that my boyfriend will leave our dates early if she calls and asks him to drive her somewhere. I'm jealous that he defends her when people badmouth her, but he doesn't defend me. I'm jealous that when it's the three of us together, she makes him sit with her, across the room.I've tried speaking to him about it calmly and maturely, but he refuses to even address the issue. If I try to bring it up, he simply says that he refuses to talk about it.So... how can I stop myself from feeling jealous? I hate feeling this way. I feel ashamed of myself, because I shouldn't be jealous of his - little sister-, for god's sake! But she's old enough to take care of herself now, and I hate feeling like I have to compete for his attention.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous answerer: Yes, I have siblings. I have an older brother and a younger sister. When my brother dates someone, I don't always like her but I let them have their time to themselves and I'm friendly. There's a time and place for me to take up my brother's time, and that's not it.Their family is all very close. Boyfriend tells me he's closer to his sister because they had to deal with their mom being 'crazy' and 'over-emotional', but she's really not that bad at all. She's just a hormonal woman.Also, when I say that he doesn't protect me when people bad mouth me, it's just that he's very shy. I think he wants to, but isn't comfortable being confrontational about ME.As of right now, I'm taking solace in the fact that he's at college and I get to see him more than she does. I know that sounds really spiteful and low, but the truth is... I'm glad to finally have the monopoly on his time :) Thank you all
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): The problem isn't his sister its him. yes I agree she's wrong for the way she treats you, but he's the one that allows her to treat you this way. and futher more the fact that he won't even discuss the situation with you shows a lack of respect for you on his part. honestly if I were you I would walk away, this is only going to get worse. you deserve better.
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A
male
reader, smile(: +, writes (25 August 2010):
Wow this is a sticky situation. Your feelings are understandable. When you say "It's completely irrational and I try to tell myself that they're family," I think you are wrong.I would say she sees you as a threat. She probably really values her relationship with her brother (understandable), but keeping him from having other friends is not a good way to try to keep that relationship."It hurts that she treats me like I'm disgusting," most people would express that they are mad at her, you are a better, more caring person than most (probably only makes you more of a threat to sister, you probably didn't do anything to her)"I'm jealous that he defends her when people badmouth her, but he doesn't defend me." If he really cares about you he should treat you better. It lowers my opinion of him.I think you have more quality of character than, that he is lucky to have you as his girlfriend, but does not deserve you, nor appreciate you. You have tried to fix it but he stone walled, and there is no use in trying to talk to sister. I honestly would say break up with him, you deserve better. Be cold to him for at least a week, how long has he treated you poorly? If he is still trying to get you back after a week (he shows he care enough to actually resolve this problem, not just smooth things over), maybe try to work things out with him.If he treats you worse than his sister, gives you less attention than his sister, are you really his girlfriend?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 August 2010):
 This big brother is very protective of his little sister. The bond is very strong between these two it's never going to break. You can't win everyone over, so her not liking you is her problem. I would just continue to ignore her as much as she does you. As far as you're concerned she doesn't exist. You can't argue with family comes first. She's calling him to pick her up, does she not have a license and own car? Him defending her when people talk trash, that's normal. However, him not defending you isn't. I feel like she's trying to drive you out of his life. Since, he won't have a chat..the only thing you can do is to deal with it, try not to think about it or put so much emphasis on her. Or if you're tired of being second rate then I would opt out of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 Talk to him about it. But if you want my honest opinion, I don't think you should be with him. What kind of a boyfriend doesn't defend his girlfriend when people are badmouthing her?
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Maybe there's something they're not ready to share with you yet. Maybe some type of family crisis they or she went through with a male figure that makes her dependable on him. Or made him be very protective over his sister. I have a younger sister and I'm not the same but I am very fragile when it comes to her so I understand. Do you have siblings by the way? Don't get me wrong, I understand, that type of stuff makes you wonder, is she his sister?! But that's movie stuff. Just bare with it. I'm sure there's some reason they're dependant on one another. Could just be up bringing. Be optimistic, upside is you know he will teach your children if ever, that family is important.
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