A
female
age
41-50,
*oorly
writes:I met this lovely guy who is lives with my good friend. I got the feeling he liked me and he told me when my friend's back was turned that he clicked with me and that I must come to a party that was being held at their house.Last night I go to the party, and we meet again. I really really fancied him, but didn't get a chance to have an alone moment with him without being interrupted but by the time I did, I was absolutely slaughtered and asked him if he wanted to go out with me. He said yes. Then we go upstairs to his room, a lot of this is hazy, I can only remember snippets BUT we try to have sex. I was too drunk to help him but give him his due, he did try and did most of the work but it didn't happen.In the morning, he shot out of bed in disgust to go downstairs and I put on my clothes as fast as I could. I noticed two empty condoms on the floor and realised what happened, or rather what didn't happen.I sat on his bed and started to cry, he came up and I apologised and told him I felt so ashamed. He made me a coffee and I felt so rough and still a bit drunk.I left. My good friend texted to ask if I was ok, and I apologised for being badly behaved and said to pass on my number to his friend so I could apologise but would understand if he did not want to hear it. It was my way of putting it out there if he did want to speak to me about it.I haven't heard anything. The problem is that my body is unattractive (and it really is) and I feel that maybe he was disgusted with me. I was really unprepared for it as I didn't go to the party with the intention of having sex, otherwise I would have spent some time doing myself up and would have shaved my bloody legs at least.Okay, so here it is...I've spent the last 5 years being single with the occasional encounter now and again with men who seem to like me initially but when it comes to bedroom antics, it goes horribly wrong. I'm putting this down to the way I look. I can't seem to get men to actually want to have sex with me nor can I pluck up the courage to actually tell men how I feel or have sex without being drunk first...My body is a complete mess and theres nothing I can really do about it. I can't even change in front of my mates, thats how self conscious I feel.
View related questions:
condom, drunk, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Thank you very much for your answers. I'm seeing a therapist this week to sort out the issues involved here. I feel terrible as it was someone I actually liked and I bloody messed up but on the positive at least it's brought it up to the surface enough for me to go onto this page and also seek some outside help. I feel like a bit of a fraud because I always come across as being confident in other aspects of my life that when something like this happens, I realise I'm not at all.
I cannot thank you enough for your comments. Really appreciate it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): It's nothing to with your body I'm afraid it's your attitude and your wholesale insecurity about your body that's the problem. Please don't take this the wrong way but it's your lack of self worth that is ugly not your physical appearance.You see Poorly we guys just don't want to date girls that are so self conscious that they cry in shame after sex or they only get sexual when they're drunk because that's the only time they lose their inhibitions over it. So you're trapped then in a cycle of only having messy drunken sexual contact that is crappy and then you convince yourself that's because you're ugly when the fact is that's not it at all.Poorly you can't even change in front of your closest friends how are you supposed to have good sex when all you're doing is lying there disgusted by your body hoping the guy doesn't puke in disgust and keeping yourself covered up and then crying about it? It makes no sense you're living in ridiculous fantasy.Look around you Poorly, how many people in this world are classically beautiful? How many different types of couples do you see around you? We guys love all women of all body shapes and sizes. Seriously go to town or the shopping centre and look around. You'll see couples of every physical shape and size because the most important thing is confidence and happiness. We guys go for pretty much any body type as long as the girl is happy and confident of herself. We don't care if they have extra weight, cellulite, stretch marks, moles, odd shaped boobs, bingo wings, wrinkles, scars, extra hair, a third nipple, acne, back acne, buck teeth etc etc you want to know why? Because we have those things too and trust me even the most confident of guys has something they're insecure about but you've let that insecurity rule your life.You won't take a risk or a chance because of it and you assume (very wrongly) that guys will think as badly of your body as you do when that just isn't possible at all.Poorly I used to be short, bald and fat (I'm still short and bald hehe) now you know that any one of those things is meant to mean that I'm ugly, that's the way our society has those things set up but having all three of those traits is meant to mean I'll be alone forever. Horseshit, I've never had trouble getting girls and the thing I didn't like the most, my weight, was easily solved through years of good diet management and exercise. I never had a problem being naked in front of women, you want to know why? Because they've already sized me up with my clothes on, it's not like they're in for a surprize, a lot of women get this idea that they're somehow great at covering up their body but they're not, we've already sized you up completely and decided we want you before we've gotten you even near to the bedroom. Your problem is this huge fortress you've locked yourself inside. You see those guys have already decided to go to bed with you only to find out you're incredibly inhibited, that's the nasty surprize they have waiting for them because you won't open up and let yourself go even when drunk.Sorry Poorly but until you get rid of this attitude you're going to be limited to brief, regrettable, drunken sexual encounters, when there really is not need for it at all.You say you're body is a mess and you can't change it, again that's horseshit. If you're overweight and that's a problem for you then start exercising and balance your diet better. If you have blemishes such as the ones I mentioned above that can't be gotten rid of then you have learn to ignore them. We guys do, so should you.My girlfriend of 5 years is short, has extra weight, stretch marks and cellulite, she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me and ravenously sexy. Is she insecure about those things? Yeah, she'd love to get rid of them. Does it hold her back? Not for one second, she's not going to let any physical blemish impede her enjoyment of life or hold her back from getting what she wants sexually because she too realized a long time ago that none of that matters as much as being able to let go and have fun.Your body is a mess then work hard and change it, if there are aspects that are permanent then ignore them because they don't matter.
...............................
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (13 March 2011):
Well, from your OP I cannot see any reason why he would have been turned off by your body.It does, to me at least, seem abundantly clear that he was probably really turned off by the fact that you were "slaughetered" as you say, and seemingly you were so drunk that he couldn't have sex with you, or perhaps more likely didn't want to have sex with you. If he was conscious that you had no clue what was going on he probably wouldn't have wanted to take the risk. You yourself say you can only remember snippets of what happened.I know that I wouldn't be attracted to anyone who was in that state of drunkenness, and I too would find it a massive turn off. I don't the fact that people are prepared to drink so much that they lose control and don't know what they're doing, and I certainly wouldn't find it a nice feature in a possible partner.If you cannot talk to men without getting drunk first then you need to have some counselling because you could easily get yourself into some dangerous situations this way. If you weren't intending to have sex but still ended up in that situation because of the drink then that's a real problem. Perhaps go and see a doctor if you are becoming reliant on the alcohol.
...............................
|
