A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 27. I have never had a phyiscal girlfriend. I had sex once at 24. I have no friends to speak of. All I have is a long distance "girlfriend" i met a few years ago. She lives in another country, and that along with money means that we will never realistically be able to be together. I love her and she loves me and it seems this online relationship is enough for her. She had boyfriends and sex as a teen and in her early 20s and says she doesn't really care anymore. But I don't feel that way. As said above, i have hardly had sex, hardly had any relationship experience, there are so many things I want to do that I have never done with a partner: go on vacation together, sit and cuddle on the couch, just hold hands, or go for a day out.even if we could be together I worry that my lack of history vs her pretty normal past experience will mean I constantly feel inferior and regret only ever really being with her. I want to get some experience, but I also don't want to lose her, she is my only friend and basically the only person I talk to everyday aside from work colleagues. If i break up with her I will be totally alone, i'll have no one.On the side i have been trying to browse tinder but I hardly get any matches so I just worry i wont ever find anyone and by breaking up and leaving her I will be stuck on my own. I don;t know how to approach women, I would be too scared to go to a bar alone.I don't know what to do, I feel its too late and I have wasted my 20s and am just gonna be a lonely loser.Any advice on what to do would be great
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female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (22 May 2018):
 Further to the reply you put on the page yesterday - I agree with the others that life isn't going to just 'happen' for you. All of us have to go out and make the effort. If you want to meet girls you won't meet them in a male dominated environment. You say you don't know any clubs but all you have to do is search on the internet for what's going on in your area. I think you've got yourself into a state of mind and you really need to shake yourself out of it. It's easier to get out and about now while you are young because the older you get you are going to meet people who've been married, had families etc and that makes life even more complicated. You are in the best years of your life regarding your age and you need to make the most of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2018): It is hard for introverts to get out there and socialize, but that is exactly what you will need to do in order to get what you want. You have friends at the gym and in your MMA world right? How about who you ride or fix motorbikes with? Do you have any co-workers that you would like to get to know better? These could all be potential friends since you already have something in common. Can you make plans with those guys to go have a beer, or watch (or play) a game? What do they like to do outside of work or the gym? Ask them and see if they will let you join in sometime.Start small like that. Get to know some guys that you can spend time with in person, in reality. Take at least one night each week to something social with someone. At first it might feel weird, or like a chore, but the more you do it the more comfortable you will become with these few friends at least. Then work up replacing most of your social media time to spending it with real life friends.Another way to become more social is to go out in public on your own and challenge yourself to talk with someone new. It doesn't have to be a girl, or any kind of person specifically. Just a stranger in the grocery store line, or sitting in a restaurant or park. See if you can start a conversation with a stranger, and just small talk for a few minutes. Ask them about their dog, or something they are wearing, or eating, or whatever. I think this exercise would help you build confidence in yourself to meet new people. You may find a friend this way too. Talk to your neighbors!Once you have a couple guys you can call your friends, and hang out with on a regular basis, then you can start to go out and look for girls with them. Maybe they know some that they can set you up on dates with (assuming you are breaking up with your online, never gonna happen in real life, girlfriend). Maybe they have girlfriends who have friends who are single and looking too. Anything worth having takes effort. You won't pin someone on the mat with no training, you know. You need to learn the boxing and grappling skills needed for this. Put some effort into learning how to interact with people in the real world. We are social primates, and we cannot be truly happy and healthy if we are all alone. Making friends is worth it, and you know this too. I am glad you reached out here, and I hope you will take some of the advice you have received and do this for yourself. You seem like a good person, and deserve a happy life and good friends. They are waiting for you, you only need to go out and take them. Best of luckR
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 May 2018):
 A lot of "online LDR" are just pretend or fantasy relationships because they are not realistic, there IS no future there. It's nice to have a "GF/BF" someone to talk to get/give affection to, attention too and share thing with. BUT if there are no plans to make it a NON Long Distance relationship what's the point? It's just a pen-pal you really really like.
(not that there is anything wrong with that - pen-pals that is).
BUT staying IN a online LDR with no real future DOES hold you back from meeting ACTUAL people who COULD be part of your future, whether it's as friends or romantic partners doesn't really matter, if you are NOT meeting them.
Why not try some meetup groups?
Or if you are really into gaming, go to a Con? Meet other gamers? (yes, there are female gamers out there too)
Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself will do NOTHING for you.
LIVE life.
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A
female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (21 May 2018):
You need to join some sort of club / organisation where you will meet people of your own age. Don't pin all your hopes on a girl who's far away. If you are not the sporty type are you perhaps musical and can join some sort of orchestra or similar? I know you will not be pleased when I say this but have you thought about dancing? There are hundreds of dance schools up and down the country and there's a serious shortage of young men to partner the girls. I know men nowadays who wished they'd done this when they were young. You are guaranteed to meet girls and they will be falling over themselves to dance with you. There are many young men who dance and they are far from gay, in fact I know some who meet their wives through dancing and then set up a dance school together. It doesn't matter if you have two left feet because they will teach you. There are loads of different types of dance clubs too like Rock 'n Roll, Swing Dancing, Ballroom, Ceroc etc etc. It's not so daft as it sounds and you'd be surprised who you meet. The good thing is that you can go along on your own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do have genuine feelings for her, but they are currently muddled with the fear of being alone and the realization that I am treading water and basically living in a fantasy that can never be. As for meeting people, I don't have the drive... I just want to skip to the bit where i already have them and already have met a lot of girls etc. I don't know any social clubs, especially ones where there might be girls. I am a mixed martial artist and I go to the gym too. My interests are very male focused, motorbikes, army, martial arts, working out. My career is in tech too and I sit alone in my office and do what i need to do.This stuff really gets me down and makes me cry but at the same time I can't find any drive to do anything about it. I would rather get lost in a video game and than try and go and meet people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2018): Sounds like you are just using your gf as a prop and a backup so you won't be lonely . You didn't really mention any genuine feelings for her or saying much positive about her and saying you didn't want to loose her seemed more about your own fear of being alone rather than any feeling for her . It would seem best if you let her go rather than continue to do that and focussed on building your confidence to be with someone you love rather than just someone for the sake of being with someone Meeting people in general rather than for thenintention of sex or a gf is a great starting point . Just getting out and getting involved in life in general would seem to be a good tip Perhaps join some social groups classes etc . That way the focus is more on developing yourself as a person . You are still so young with so much ahead
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