A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was raised without my 3 sisters. My mother had another family before us and left them to be raised with their father and grandmother - then she had us with our father. Then he died. I was not raised with my other siblings. One half sister eventually came back first before the others, then all three finally came around when I was grown. Back then, when I was little, my half sister arrived with her then boyfriend to meet Mom and her new family ... when I was six ... they were not married at the time. I fell in love with him when I was six years of age - He was 22 then. The thought of him marrying her was horrible to me back then. I did not know her, and although I know I was young - I wanted to marry him at that age - he had made such an impact on my life. It wasn't until almost 40 years later that we exchanged feelings - he claimed that he loved me always as well, and I felt his connection every time - but he was so young when he married, and I was too young for him to wait for. As my mother was trying to rebuild relationships with her other children - inviting them to come to her home with their families - I tried to aviod any contact with my brother-in-law, for he let it be known to me that his feelings for me were strong - he loves me with all his heart - but I was too young back then to do anything about it - or wait - I went on with my life - married and had children - then divorced.Talk about heartwrenching! Not going to family gatherings - my feelings were that strong.... for almost 40 years I avoided this - but this last visit 2 years ago, I could not keep away, and we have been seeing each other since. This would destroy our family, what is left of it - and I cannot do that... but I cannot help myself - he is willing to give up everything to be with me - but I cannot do that right now... I love him dearly, but I love my life as well.I would not be happy knowing that I caused that much pain to people I love. Although I wasn't raised with my sister - I still cannot deal with this deceit ... but I cannot let him go ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I wish to thank the person who responded for not judging me. I am not a player who delights in risky relationships and what I am doing goes totally against my grain. I have tried very hard to keep away from this person, but, as I mentioned, I could not aviod it a couple of years ago. That is the first time in almost 40 years that we were alone and had the chance to talk. They live a long way away, so seeing each other is infrequent, but phone calls are daily - 2 or three times at least.
The person responding is correct - he is not mine - and never could be, even if, God forbid, something were to happen to my sister, I could never be with this person as my family would not accept it. There are a couple of family members who already sense the spark between us.
Giving him up would be extremely difficult, but I also know that the relationship is doomed.
A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (9 August 2008):
 you want honesty, and that is what i will give you. i can respect the love you two have for each other, especially because it has lasted over so many decades.
BUT YOU CANNOT DO WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
he is not yours. you are not his. and you are right, you would tear your family apart. you said so yourself, you are not willing to hurt your family and give up your life to be with him. there is no middle ground. you are already hurting your family and compromising yourself.
if things had worked out otherwise, well, but you cannot think that way because they didn't.
let him go. it is for the best. good luck.
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