A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right this is really hard but i've never really had a bf before and have fell in love with a friend of mine. We havent been friends long and are not that close but are on the same course. The thing is i thought he liked me at first because he used to look at me alot and stuff but then i realised the stuff he did with me he does to others in general anyway. he's just a generally friendly person and maybe i got the worng impression. There was once when my friends needed him to go to a certain room and one of them said you go get him, not literally me but juts in general then another said to me yeah you go get him he likes you best which made me think he liked me even more and yes he does still stare at me but then again he does that alot in general but sometimes he used to hold eye contact with me and stuff. As i say we aren't that close but theres still a part of me that makes me think he likes me but hes said he doesn't care if he never has a gf because hes happy with life(that was in a general converstaion not diectly to me) i don't think he knows i like him but some others have caught on abit and accused me of liking him even though i've denyed it.(i don't tell them alot of stuff becasue although as a group we get on well i'm not as close to them as afew are) But anyway im starting to realise that maybe he doesn't like me in that way and juts thinking about it he has a really busy life so wouldn't have time for a gf but i just don't know how to get over him, i have to see him eveyday and in one class i sat next to him and its just the thought that because we all had to move today that he might move seats permanently that gets to me. i've never felt this way before and just don'tknow what to do. I will never tell him how i feel icase it caused loads of problems but am i just taking his actions to seriously or if others have caught on do you think he might like me back. Either way how do i get past this and learn to just love him as a friend?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I appreciate your situation, becuase i am in the same boat. I have been friends with this girl for years, and i never once thought of her as anything else but a friend. One day recently, we were hanging out per usual, when i found myself just kind of looking at her (not in a creepy way) andrealizing that she is everything i have ever wanted in a girl. one of my buddies who i trust completely put it in perspective really well. "Think about tomorrow, not next week" there's no need to run to the top of a building and scream how much you love this guy. like the previous poster said, go out for a drink, lunch, something simple. Maybe even something fun, batting cages, driving range, etc. I'm not giving advice that has proven success, instead I am just giving you how i am approaching my situation. Hopefully something works out for one of us, good luck!
A
female
reader, Robin Goode  +, writes (27 February 2008):
Get out of your way. let me rephrase your question so you understand (removing the dumb stuff about never having had a bf, what your friends think, what you think he thinks, etc etc --this is all just so much noise to distract you). You have met a person. Know said person a bit. See said person regularly. Like what you've seen in this person so far. Have decided that you may want to see more of this person.This is your issue--forget all the other stuff. Really, what difference would it make if you'd had one bf? 10? If he had 1 gf? 50? If your friends had no clue you liked him? Didn't believe he liked you? Blah blah blah. You asked for advice. Listen to yourself, is my advice. You want to know him. Next time you see him. Talk with him. if you want to keep talking to him, tell him. "this is really fun. Let's go get coffee/soda/beer/beverage of choice to continue the conversation". If he says "sure", you are on your way to making a better friend (and, by the way, most of the concerns you had above will then seem really dumb). If you guys keep talking -- you might find out you really like each other in that special "romantic" way. Or you may find out he's kind of a jerk, or that he's a nice guy/friend with no romantic stuff at all. You only know if you ask to spend some more time with him. Love, needless to say, is not possible with someone you don't really know. The word you want here now is "interest" he "interests" me (not "I love him!"). But, what if he says "no". Well, not to be too glib, but so what? Kind of a bummer, I guess. He is an "interesting" (that word, see?) guy and you wanted to get to know him a bit better. Ah, well. What if he tells everyone you made a pass/asked him out/are in love with him? You get to smile and say, "actually, I don't really even know him. I just asked him to coffee once. I guess he thought that was more than it was." next topic. On a side note, I hope he is as nice as you think and you become friends. Frankly, from how you describe your other friends, I think you need a new one or two.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): i see,i have loved a friend of mine for a very long time and in truth i still love her as more then a friend i just dont act on it.it's perfectly fine if you like him as more then a friend you should never be embaressed about how you feel jus dont act on it.though i will tell you it will cause you a lot of pain if he starts a relationship with someone else(another reason i think you should tell him how you feel and just that your aviliable if he ever wants a relationship).and i see you have never had a bf before and well iv never had a gf before to me anyway the hardest part about it is still feeling this way about her it inhibits me from feeling anything for anyone else.so i think you have a decision to make do you truly care for him?do you think you cant be with anyone else but him?if the answers are no then i suggest distancing yourself from him and try to get your mind on someone who is looking for a relationship if your answer to the above questions is yes then i suggest you be there for him and maybe in time you will be able to be with him.good luck-michael
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