A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am totally confused right now. My brother and I have always been great friends, but I seem to have fallen in love with his wife. All three of us have been good friends for more than 7 years now and I have always liked her a lot, both as a friend as a potential lover. She and my brother have been together for eight years now and they are having troubles with their relationship. Because of this, she has expressed, at the very least, sexual attraction toward me. I am unsure if she loves me or not but I am afraid to tell her that I love her because I respect her as a friend and don't wish to complicate things any further. To put the cherry on top, they have a kid together and I am not in a position to take care of a child if things were to progress. This may seem to have a simple solution, but she is one of those "one in a million" girls that are hard to find. I just need some advice on the subject because I can't wait much longer to tell her because she might leave my brother and go live in another state. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know this post is old, but it still applies to my current situation.
well dammit, as time goes on, I've hated her, I've pushed her away and everything in order to get my life away from hers. It turns out that I still love her no matter what. I cannot get over her no matter what I do, I think that it is going to be one of those things that I am going to have to live with. After I told her that I did love her, she got weird toward me and acted weird and not herself around me and my brother. I freaked out at her (I couldn't help myself, I was incredibly emotional at the time) and that only made things worse. She is now back to normal (and so am I) and it seems like there is a good chance that she and my bro will get back together. This is becoming torture at this point, I have been staying up all night thinking about it, I am really trying to stop thinking about it too much, but I can't seem to do so. Thanks Blonde30s for keeping up with me thus far and thanks RaeRae914 for your input. I do feel like I should fight for her and try to win her for myself, but I don't know if that is the smartest option at this point. Either way I look at it, she is the first woman that I've ever felt any real emotion toward, which is what makes this so hard for me. Only time and awkward conversations will solve this problem for me, I hope that I can at least keep it away from my family for the time being, they wouldn't understand and they would make things worse for me in the long run.
A
female
reader, RaeRae914  +, writes (24 November 2010):
Hi ,,well i think if shes in love with you and your in love with her then go ahead ,,but first u must make sure shes in love with you,if shes having problems with your brother then maybe your just meant to be together ,,something you cannot fight no matter how hard you try ,,i should no as i'm in a similar situation.as for the child ,,well if u really love her you will be able to make it work ,,remember every problem has a solution ,,but by the sounds of it ,id say go for it ,,also make sure shes not just looking for sex(which i ver much doubt) and nothing else ,,but if shes willing to be with you ,,then ok and good luck how lucky u are to find someone who's one in a million,, :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI ended up telling her how I felt about her. She told me that she doesn't feel the same way. it hurts, but I can move on now. I can bear to be around her now that I know for sure she doesn't love me. We have both decided to stay friends regardless of any feelings involved. She is most likely going to divorce my brother, which is between them, but we are going to stay good friends regardless.
This is most likely the last thing I'm going to post about this. thank you all for your input and good luck in your own love lives.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): Even though they are now 'seperated' plse do not get with her in the future. Yiou will destry your family in the end. Believe me, one man/woman is worth this pain. If you keep remembering she is your brothers wife, and off limits, everytime you think of being with her, picture your brothers face, picture your family destroyed.
Many many people can attest to destroying their relationships when they cross boundaries. No amount of sex is worth the pain on your brothers face. Just think about it and be the bigger man.
Good luck.
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ blonde30s would love to move but there is no way for me to get far enough away from her for at least another few months. I will just try to deal with it as best as I can for the time being. trying to move on when you still see someone often is really hard to do, believe me. I will get by however.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit's been about a month now and I still have feelings toward her. I can't help it, I just get really emotional when I think about her. I never ended up telling her that I love her, although I think she has her suspicions, she doesn't know yet. Her and my brother have now officially separated but are still living together, which sucks for both of them because they can't move on. I am trying to get over this but it is really difficult because I see her often and I am trying to act cool around her, but I am acting weird. which has made her weird toward me. I still don't know what to do or how to do it. I just wish I didn't have these feelings anymore.
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female
reader, crabgoat +, writes (22 September 2010):
Have you ever watched the movie "Mambo Kings", you should rent it. Its about two brother's from Cuba who come to America and fall for in love with the same woman. You might learn from it.
Please do not go down this road with your brother's wife. It is a path that will only bring you and those you love heartache and a lifetime of unhappiness and despair. Once you take that step you can never go back. You say you have nothing to lose...that's because you haven't lost it yet. Remove yourself from their lives. Seeing her on a regular bases is to much temptation for a young man like you. If you act on these feelings, the guilt, the pain and destruction of many lives will lay heavy on your soul and it will eat you up inside. You will never be happy if you take your brothers wife. Your love will destroy you both!
I'm glad that you have decided not to profess your love to her. If you really love her let her go and walk, no run from her. Good Luck and I hope you find someone who is free to give you their love!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have made my decision. I am not going to tell her. at least not now, the love I feel for her is still new-ish and I don't want to make things more difficult for her right now.
all of the answers posted really did help, even if some were not what I wanted to hear. @ blonde30s, you are totally right, even though I don't care about most of what my family would think, I don't want to confuse my niece if we were to get involved. I guess the reason I even considered telling her is because I have close to nothing to lose, but I do not want to force others to lose what they have just because I have feelings for this girl.
I can't help but go back to the old saying: if you love something, let it go. Thanks everyone
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female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Dont say a friggin thing. Your brother will hate you, she WILL tell him eventually, you are not seriously going to be the step dad to your nephew one day are you??? NO, Look I work in the crime scene unit for a large metropolis. I see people murder their own family members for things like this. take all those "feelings" you have and shove them down so far you don't remember what they feel like. PLEASE
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): No you don't tell her anything. Dude you're not a teenager, you're an adult and you have to find a way of getting over her.
You've gotten in too deep with this woman, your loyalty should be to your brother. If they break up then you have to be on his side, regardless of her.
Right here's the low down and all the reasons you can't tell her:
A. She's your brothers wife and if you think he won't find out, you're mistaken, she's his wife and will tell him.
B. You know there is absolutely no chance of a relationship with her, so what would telling her this achieve? The only thing it would do is ease your mind.
C. You telling a confused woman who is going through some marital problems at the moment that you love her is just going mess up her head, it won't do anything good at all.
D. You telling her could ruin her marriage which leaves your niece/nephew without a family and your brother with a destroyed marriage. You'd basically be risking the happiness and futures of 3 people you care deeply about for a menial crush.
E. You WILL lose all three of them from your life and perhaps other family members too.
F. She's a woman that has been in a log term relationship and if they were to break up, then it would take her a very long time to be ready to date anyone again so jumping into a relationship with you is not going to happen.
G. You're the brother of her husband she really is just not going to get involved with you and if she did then what do you tell the kid when it grows up?
You've gotten way too involved in their business, you have to take a step back and reevaluate your priorities here. You're right in the middle of this mess by acting as her confidant, you have to take a step back and let them sort this out for themselves.
What I think will happen is this, I think you're going to tell her because I think you've already made up your mind that you're going to. I think in her current state she'll say she's confused doesn't know what to do. I think she'll try and work things out with your bother because they have history and a child together. I think your admission will create an awkwardness between you and will eventually create a distance. I think she'll tell your brother what you said and he'll explode.
Nothing good can come of this situation for you, you're never going to have her and you will lose them all over a crush that you should move on from.
As I said you're an adult not a love sick teenager, move on and find another woman. You say she's 1 in a million, well there a 6.7 billion people on this planet, that means there are 6700 of those "1's" now we can assume half of those are women, so that means there are 3350 women out there that are like her. So just go out and find one of them.
Seriously think about this for a minute, what do you want to happen? You know you can
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Don't do it. Women are fickle and ephemeral. You may find a special one, but this is not it. Blood is far more important - never betray your brother that way over some pussy. And if she' interested in cheating on a guy with his brother, she's *really* not special, and all the above terms go from being derogatory and misogynistic to being completely accurate.
Keep yourself in check.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionin all honesty, yes she is 1 in a million. I have never felt this type of attraction toward anybody in my life. Because I know her well and talk to her often, I know she is not looking to cheat on and hurt my brother, she told me this because she was being honest with me and that is what this whole thing is about, honesty.
I guess I should have clarified when I initially posted, but I have been talking to both of them about their relationship problems and I was having a trusted heart to heart when she told me that she was attracted to me. I also would like to clarify that I am not trying to steal her from my brother, but I would like her to know the truth about how I feel for her.
She really is an honest and caring person, I am not one to overlook something like that simply because I am in love with her. In fact, this is why they are having troubles and why I love her in the first place! this is about honesty for me, what I am asking is should I be honest with her and tell her (and only her) that I love her? or do you think this friendship we have will be ruined because of it?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 September 2010):
Is she one of those 1 in a million girls?
I don't think she is if she's interested in cheating her her husband with his brother. In fact, if that is so, I'd say she's not all that great. And since you're considering it, you need to ask yourself what sort of a person you're becoming that you'd consider stabbing your brother in the back. Very simply, unless you want to alienate your brother, your friends, family and such, don't touch her at all. She doesn't love you. You'll find that you're just a quick one on the side until such time as she leaves him or doesn't' realize. Don't even consider this route, because you can be 100% sure that it will ruin your life.
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