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female
,
anonymous
writes: i have a bit of a problem,ive been single for about 10 months now,and started internet dating.met a few guys,but one of them who lives quite near to me,wants more than i want from the friendship,we get on great and i think alot of him,but im just not physically attracted to him,even tho i have lead him on,and kissed him a few times when ive had a drink,im not proud of that.weve been out together more than 30 times now,but never done anymore than kissing.im not nasty enough,just to say,i dont fancy you,i dont want to hurt him,and really enjoy the time we spend together,how do i get out of this,without hurting him?but im nearly 40 and know what i want from a man now,and i have to be physically attracted to him,or i know it would never work out.can someone please help me out here?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): 100% in agreement with Yos.
We all value honestly above all else; even if it is painful at times. We prefer the truth from the get go so we don't feel the burden of the "lie" with time...somehow it just ssems to get heavier and more devastating, don't you think?
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 September 2006):
 I'm going to tell you what you don't want to hear.
The best way to tell him is directly, face to face. Be honest. Tell him the truth. If you know why, tell him why you aren't attracted to him. Don't be mean or make it critical, but he can benefit from knowing the real reasons. At least he won't torture himself asking himself why? oh why? oh why? Perhaps he can learn about how he comes across and make changes.
Honesty is the best policy. You'll be glad you did, and so will he eventually.
Now you just need to gather up the nerve to do it. Good luck
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