A
male
age
36-40,
*enisonstew
writes:Ok i recently accepted that i'm gay, but im a little confused. I still see a lot of beauty in girls, even with girls that most guys wouldn't be attracted to. but the thought of sex with a girl turns me off. Yet the more attractive the girl is, the more i'll fantasise about men. when i thought i was straight, i froze up like a deer in headlights when talking to girls. it's a lot easier to talk to girls knowing that i don't want to sleep with them. but why do i find it such a turn on when the really hot girls know it's "strictly dickly" over here? also very rarely, but on occasion(very rare) i do get a slight sadness when seeing some hot girls. even though i don't really sound gay, i think i do at times, my fuckbuddy says i don't at all. maybe it's because i sound way more masculine going with the flow around him. maybe is it the flirting with girls knowing i'm gay that makes me sound gay at times? i feel like a female emotionally, always felt left out when girls have their "giggly girl talk" moments. is it because i could be transgendered? even if i was, i would never want to change who i am. i do love lingerie, refuse to wear men's underwear or mens jeans love women's beauty products like soaps, body cremes skin products body mists perfumes even file my nails. yet im mostly attracted to more masculine men yet SLIGHTLY feminine is always cool.i'm not in "agony" im actually more secure than i ever was im not depressed anymore like i was for most of my life. all my life when watching porn i always watched the blowjob scenes imagining a hot girl sucking my dick. now that i'm gay i am VERY good at sucking dick for someone who doesn't have that much experience. as much as i love to give head(like a fixation) when i thought i was straight the thought of eating a girl out always grossed me out. i've never had sex with a girl but i have paid hookers for blowjobs didn't really enjoy it that much. the one time i started to fuck a girl i couldn't continue she gave some moans but i didn't feel shit, just wound up finishing with her mouth anyway. was she faking or was i not feeling it because she was looser than a mayonaise jar or was i not feeling it because that wasn't my true orientation? she was a hooker though. so many confusing questions yet life is interesting better than it ever was for me considering how fucked up my life has been even when i was young child.
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male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (13 July 2009):
If you have no sexual attraction to girls then you are gay. It doesn't mean you won't admire beauty in the world or enjoy their company.
If you have no sexual attraction to girls then why would you ever want to be in a relationship with one? If you are gay you should be with men as it is unfair and a bit mean to enter into a relationship with a woman when you sexuality goes against it. Understanding women isn't what is required, it is being attracted ot them.
It sounds like you are very together though which is good. You've accepted you are gay which is great and I bet has made you feel a whole lot better.
A
male
reader, venisonstew +, writes (12 July 2009):
venisonstew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do kind of consider myself to be bi i'm just not sexually attracted to girls anymore, at least at this time. I'm not totally ruling out the possibility of women at some point down the road. I do have a lot of issues in life itself to deal with, as my father hasn't been in my life since I was 5. my mom wasn't always able to teach me things and nurture me in life.
Although I have bettered my life in many aspects in the past few years, certain things have gotten worse as well. I accepted my sexuality about a month ago. Socially i'm a lot more pleasant. I do have a lot of things to learn and slowly overcome in order to better myself. Maybe i should stay with men for a while while i work on my life.
One day i might feel differently and find a nice girlfriend who will accept me for who i really am, and i'll be a lot better equipped emotionally. I definitely wouldn't want to walk away from a relationship with a girl and both of us be hurt because i wasn't emotionally there. Time will tell. I can definitely focus on a lot of other aspects of my life, especially because i havent been sexually frustrated, so for now I will have fun pursuing "strictly dickly."
also i notice accepting girls usually love gay guys, and have a lot of fun hanging out talking and shopping. Once i am ready for women I would definitely have a much better understanding of women, and having talked to women a lot would have me better equipped dealing with them, talking with them. I can say I do see a woman's perspective on a lot of stuff, like being able to see through a person, bullshit detector(once i know someone really well), I can definitely understand taking a long time to get ready, I also appreciate the finer things about life, If I ever felt ready i would be a really good choice for women so maybe leaning towards gay for awhile is the best thing for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): Its very common to still be skeptical about that kind of thing... hohever i think that you still have some thinking to do. Maybe you rea;lly are not gay. This could just be a phase or something. Also there is a chance that you could be bi?
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A
male
reader, apathyslastkiss  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Based on what you've told me here in your question, I'm wondering about some psychological distress. You mentioned that when talking to girls you "froze up like a deer in headlights", and that you thought it was "a lot easier to talk to girls knowing that i don't want to sleep with them." I'm wondering if your rendezvous with homosexuality is not merely a defense mechanism, and an attempt escape from the stress of heterosexuality. You admit you're still attracted to women, and they cause you a fair amount of stress. It could be possible that, deep in your unconscious, you find it easier to cope by "admitting" that you're gay, rather than confront your fear of talking with women, and pursuing them.
I'm not trying to judge you, and I hope I'm not offending you. I obviously don't know you well enough to psycho-analyze you, but what I've said seems fairly obvious to me. Have you considered this as a possibility? I think at the very most you're "bi-sexual" because you're still attracted to both genders. Based on what you've written - despite the fact that you're having sex with men - I wouldn't fully consider you gay. I think you need to confront your anxiety about women. It would be healthy for you.
Take care!
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