A
male
age
51-59,
*azzy
writes:Due to the credit crunch me, my wife and two children 3 and 5yrs. Was moving into rented accomadation while we sell our home. She has now moved into new place while i finish home and sell. But now she doesnt want me to move in, she says she loves me but cant be with me. I have felt something strange the last few months, because she had made changes in work times and doesnt answer my calls straight away. I think she might be having an affair! but i am confused, she is 27 and i 41. Any advice what should i do?
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male
reader, Gazzy +, writes (12 July 2009):
Gazzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate and statement, she went out and stayed out, ilooked after the kids, it was good to be with my kids. Talked calmly the next day asked about affair she said no again. She said things have been bad for a couple of years as i have detached myself from her and not done enough for my kids. The statement bit i have aspergers syndrome but have spent a good part of mylife learning about myself and getting a diagnosis at 27. I function relatively normal and social on intial meeting levels, but find it hard when when you get past talking about the weather. I am very bright and full of information (rote)but still i dont have normal mastery over my emotions in a social context.I do withdraw and have a lot the last 2 years. But why didnt she seek advice from a counscellor, she knew all about me and my ways. The hardest part in all this is my attachment, which is what i see has being a main cause of my life problems. It takes me time to attach as it is not innate to me, and when i get rejected all hell breaks lose and i turn inwards or into the hulk. Do i accept my lot and be happy that at least i have 2 kids, note the age difference, i was lucky to meet jo in the first place?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): She's staying with a lover - can't you go and find her and watch where she goes? This is what I'd do - but DO NOT approach her - just observe so you can get the truth with your own eyes coz I get the feeling you won't getthe truth from her. Good luck take care.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): I'm so sorry to say this but this smacks of "affair" to me. She loves you but can't be with you?! Like the other reply says this really doesn't make sense unless the love means "hang on in there as i might change my mind" and the can't be with you means "coz my lover will be with me overnight" - this is only speculation.
You should confront her. If she wants to separate then you need to be there for your children - children need their daddy!! Its not their fault and you need to try to keep things as happy and normal as you can muster.
It's your decision what you want to do with any information she gives you and I know what I'm going to say is cliched...but join a gym, indulge your hobbies, take your kids out, keep busy and try to get on with your life as unfortunately there isn't much more you can do.
Good luck, take care.x
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A
male
reader, Gazzy +, writes (11 July 2009):
Gazzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer, i did ask her if she was having an affair and she said no!! She then has become more defensive blaming me for the break in this relationship because i have let the credit crunch ruin us. We met 7 years ago through a friend, she ditched him and played for me because i was more successfull. I feel she is doing the same thing to me. Tonight she is going out and im looking after the kids, she tells me she is not coming back after the night out and intends to stay at her parents house for the night. I dont like this.
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A
male
reader, Arron27 +, writes (11 July 2009):
No one can give you answers apart from your wife. You need to talk calmly and rationally to her to find out how she is feeling and why you don't fit in with her plans anymore. Keep things amicable and calm for the kids as they are going through a tough time right now. I would suggest going through couples therapy such as RELATE if she wants to salvage the relationship. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Ask her directly if he's having an affair. Reminds me of a saying: "Never leave someone you love for someone you like, cause someone you like will leave you for someone they love." She says she loves you, but can't be with you???? Those two really don't match up. This would be true if she really doesn't understand what love is in the first place.
You deserve to know what's going on. Ask her, then decide from there which direction to take.
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