A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. We have a lot in common, and we have a great time when we're together, which has generally been at weekends. This weekend a friend of his in in town and naturally he's arranging to meet up with an old group of friends he hangs around with, who are all professionally interconnected (I work a different kind of job and am not part of the same circle). He's made it clear that it'll be 'awkward' if I attend because his ex will be there and she might be uncomfortable with me as the 'new girlfriend'. I feel hurt by this. It seems as though I'm good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be part of his public, social life. On top of this, he's kind of selfish. He takes much more than he gives in bed. He's quite happy for me to volunteer to cook for him and spoil him, but doesn't return the favour.Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by this? Especially as it's very early days for the relationship? Please help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for all your help.
He has now made me a true part of his life and I am very happy!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): You really need to talk to him about how you feel. I would be concerned that he was more worried about upsetting his ex, than showing you off as his new gf.
I had a slightly similar experience with my ex bf, who was also a little like your man - we had a big row because I had written a message on his facebook wall and added kisses (xx) on the end. He blew up at me and deleted the comment because "his ex might see it". I was upset and furious about this, but it turned out that he was actually more worried about the girl he was seeing on the side seeing the comments and thinking he was attached as he had told her he was single. The ex-gf comment was just an excuse.
Please be careful and dont put up with any nonsense. If he cant be bothered to think about you as well as himself, then he really isnt worth your time.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to say a huge thank you to both of you who have responded so far.
Yes, he has introduced me as his girlfriend to people in public, but he's clearly very close to his ex still. The fact that he's more worried about her feelings than mine is definitely ringing alarm bells. I think you're right about letting him know how I feel, in as non-dramatic a way as possible. I need to be honest with him.
I also think I am going to have to try to pull back a bit from the relationship at an emotional level. I've really fallen for this guy, and I don't think he feels the same way.
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