A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I find myself thinking about my ex throughout the day. We were only together for a few months and we split up about a month and half ago. It's hard to explain... it's like, I'm not thinking about anything specific, it's like - she is just on my mind. Through the day I can hear her name in my head, or I can picture her in my mind.I'm glad that I no longer fantasize about us being together, but I can't understand how I can frequently think about someone in such small detail so frequently through the day. What is going on? Can I stop it?
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Yes I agree too, men should feel there full feelings of
grief, I think it makes them better to handle a new RS and get over their past. I think they learn more about life and themselves.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sick of this idea that all guys can put relationships behind them easily. I have always been on the opposite end of the generalisation. Almost every relationship I been in my ex has found somebody new before me and it hurts every time. I wish I were like other guys, it would be a lot less painful if I were, but I guess I'm not!
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A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (12 April 2011):
I can appreciate the way guys can so easily put the past in the past. Let it go, move on, get busy. It's probably in many cases the most healthy way to handle these things.
But, here's a question.
While a girl will spend her days in tears and writing poetry and kissing the guys picture and than screaming at it, punching pillows, eating ice cream and texting her friends the same questions for the millionth time, the guy SHOWS up 2 months later???????????
What's up with that????????
I think it's because the guy who just went about his business all of a sudden gets hit up the side of his head with grief and wants his EX to heal him. Not a good choice, because it messes us girls up to no end!!!!
You guys should grieve like us and let it run it's course immediately. Rather than make us all suffer from your digressed memories 2, 3, 24 months down the road.
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A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 I agree with all others.I had been going through the same situation, I couldn't help myself.Yes time is the best healer in this respect and I used to write letters to him in my notebook whenever I felt anything(grudge,apology,etc) serious for him.I know I would never deliver but its just a place where I can pour myself out.Just don't try to forget,let her be there in you and her image will disappear or will be hazy with time.Trying hard will not heal it.All the best
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (11 April 2011):
You've answered yourself really. Time will heal you up eventually, just avoid thinking about the time you spent with your ex and instead get distracted as I said before.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI get very attached to my ex's though. Pretending that she is with me whenever the sad truth is that she isn't doesn't seem healthy to me somehow. If I contact her, she will get back to me and we'll have a conversation. This will remind me of how much I like her and will make me want her back and the fact is that, for a couple of years at least, we aren't going to get back together and I think that's what I have to accept. If there was a way to get her back I would do it, whatever it took, but it's her choice that she's made.I hate feeling like I can't contact her. I know that I can, it's just the feelings it brings up when I do. This is why so many people can't be friends with their ex's. I truly want to be because she's a lovely girl and I really care about her, but it really hurts. Some day it won't hurt as much and I'll be able to do it in time, but right now it's too soon. What do you think Cupidus?
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A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (10 April 2011):
The more you resist her the more you will want her.It's just physics. Just pretend she is with you when you want her to. It's a way to sate your feelings and comfort your loss. You'll be fine, but for your sake and other possibilities at future relationships it's best to miss someone than to try to forget about them.Those kind of regrets make it harder for us to love new people. Send out love to your ex, you may not get her or even need her, she may not be the one. But if you send love in your thoughts, the next one will be easier to recognize. Seriously! Have a good night! hugs
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI may have to give that a try. I struggle to think of ways to get out of the house without spending money unnecessarily. That's one way at least!
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward +, writes (8 April 2011):
There's a lot you can do. In general, I've found out that being out of home helps a lot, even if it means to go around in your car or bike for no reason. When I am too bored or thinking negatively, I go out to ride my bicycle with a friend or alone around town and it relieves the stress a lot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCupidus, all you need to know is that the break up was due to circumstances. I didn't want to break up at all. She said that she didn't want to either but that she thought it was for our own good. I know how that sounds, but I understand why she thinks that, disappointing as it is. She did say that there was a possibility of getting back together some day. I'm not expecting that, but she's right, maybe some day the timing will be better. I don't want to talk much more about it because I dwell on the fact that it's out of my hands, I just want to focus on the future and concentrate on feeling better.
Sebaslookingforward, you are probably right, I'm sure I don't think about her all the time, I'm just aware of it when I do... It does seem to happen a lot though, far more often than I'd like. I wish there was more I could do to stop these thoughts!
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward +, writes (8 April 2011):
I have a similar problem. I don't go crazy on it, but trust me, you only remember when you think about her. I bet there are times during your day in which you don't think about her. It's part of moving on. You sound normal for me. If it bugs you just get more disctracted and you will let go of it. You will never forget about someone in your life unless you hit your head really hard (don't do that!). Even when you're 80 years old you will at least vaguely remember your girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (8 April 2011):
Why did you break up, sounds like you had a good thing going?
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