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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating a girl for about 3 months now. She is the most importantthing in my life! She has relationship problems that she contributes mostly toher parents. In all her relationships that she has had where her parentsapproved of the boy have all gone bad. Keep in mind her mom likes the boy andwants her daughter to date him. Her mom tends to get in the middle of thingsand trys to control the relationship like it was her own. Its like dating bothof them at the same time. If my girlfriend does anything wrong her mom is allover her and tells her im to good for her and that she is never going to amountto anything. This is really hurting the relationship. If she dates a guy whoher parents dont approve of she gets yelled at, but they tend to stay out ofthose relationships and they last longer. Even though she really cares aboutme, im afraid that she is going to break up with me and end up with a looser guybecause it was easier for her than to deal with her mom's controlling nature. She is afraid of commitment (mainly because of her mom). I personally dontthink its all her mothers fault. I think its partly her fault as well. How canwe deal with her mother? I was thinking about talking to her mom without anyoneknowing and seeing if that can help the situation at all. Is that the rightthing to do? I know there are other problems that will have to be worked out,but her mom is the biggest problem right now. Please help!
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female
reader, layla +, writes (25 August 2006):
 i think that you talk to your gf and tell her that her mum is kind of getting in the way and that you want to tell her parents together. i also think that if you do tell them you should think of all the different possibilities that could happen. famillies are hard to take on so good luck. i think if the mothers getting in the way she needs to be told but politely because she may take it the wrong way. xx
A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (25 August 2006):
 I don't know your ages or the situation for your girlfriend, but someone needs to calmly talk like adults to her Mum about the situation. Maybe you can do it alone, or with your girlfriend, or she could do it? If you explain that you understand her concern and know she loves her daughter very much, but that you care deeply for her and wouldn't hurt her but feel like you're not being given a chance to prove that but would like to, she may respect your honesty and admire your courage. (She may not either as Mum's can be hard work). IF you do talk to her Mum, be prepared to listen and bite your tongue. You can't take anything back once it's been said and if tempers flare you'll have no chance. At the end of the day, families can be the cause of many rows, but you have to remain tactful as even if your girlfriend says bad things about her Mum, she won't appreciate you doing the same when things are going great. Keep a nice central position and don't take sides. I do expect your girlfriend to stand up for you too though.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): Oh what a frustrating situation you are in. Talking to her mother isn't a bad idea but you have to think about the repercussions if it doesn't go as smoothly as you would like it to - she might take it up the wrong way, she might feel insulted, your gf might be mad that you went ahead and did it??? You need to really think about whether this is the right thing to do. I can't definitely say because I don't know you gf, her mother or you or the type of relationship between you all. If you are going to talk about it to her mother then you need to approach it as delicately as possible. Say things carefully and tactfully and stay calm at all times, you do not want to insult this woman, this will P*ss both her and your gf off. Maybe tell her that it seems that your relationship is under a bit of pressure, maybe even tell her that you need some advise (at least that way she might feel that you aren't trying to completely sh*t her out)tell her that you and your gf are having difficulties because different people are interfering and although you know they are only trying to help its not helping...ask her how she would handle this? Hopefully she will start becoming more aware of her behaviour as she is now alert to the fact that this behaviour from others bothers you...she won't wanna be one of them.If its going to be said to her mother that she is interfering its better that your gf do it. I hope this helps, keep me posted. x
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