A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months. He is 39 and I am 31. He has a little boy age 3 and I have 3 children ages 14,9,9. We accept each others children but he just won't commit in any way. We live separately and his son lives with his mum! We love each other very much and don't argue. He says he isn't ready to commit at all! Why? It's been 14 months! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): I am going through something similar with my bf of a year. We hate being apart but our current situations require that we be apart. Men are not usually willing to commit unless they are financially secure, and even then they are hesitant to commit because they could lose it all. I think many women are the same way! With so many little hearts in your mix, I think you should give it more time before you think of moving in together. Three kids is a lot to take on for anybody. I have three kids and he has one adult child. We don't want to mess things up..they are messed up enough as it is. In my heart of hearts I know we would be better off living together, but these things take time. Your man may find it too difficult to talk about his finances with you. I wish you luck. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't just mean marriage! I'm taking about even just living together! He doesn't seem to even want to do that! He says he loves me so much, yet he won't move forwards in any way! Everything is at a stand still.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): What exactly do you mean by commit? Many guys that have gone through a divorce are not interested in doing it again. (Yes I know you think it will be different but he probably didn't think the first one would end this way either) I know for myself I am not interested in dividing my assets again. I prefer to keep a certain distance between myself and my lovers/girlfriends so no judge in a future court will get the idea that she requires %50 or more of what I own just so she can get on with her life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. I have tried to talk about this so many times to him and he just says he isn't ready and can't say if he ever will be! He says he can't imagine life without me and I can't imagine life without him! I just don't know how long to wait for him as he may never be ready? He says he doesn't love his ex and she now lives with another man! I just feel so confused and it makes me very emotional!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 October 2010):
You'd need to talk to him about it, really. There are many reasons that he might not be committing. Maybe he loves his ex. Maybe he's just very commitment phobic since his relationship broke down. Maybe he really isn't ready. There's a long list. The only way you'll know what it is, is to speak to him. Explain that you're now looking for something more and see what he says.
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