A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi there wonder if anyones in similar posistion?ive been with my bf for 4yrs now.the trouble is he is heavily involved with his ex.they have a child who is 16yrs old now.they split up when he was 3yrs old for christs sake?ive gone through 4yrs of crap about him going round her house to see his son.when we first got together it was really bad.he was there everyday almost.everytime we rowed hed run to her,ironically most of the rows were because i didnt agree with him going round there.why couldnt he take him out like most dads.consequently his son is now vastly overweight.ive gone through the tears,begging and pleading stage(YES I NOW KNOW THAT WAS MY FAULT FOR PUTTING UP WITH THE LOSER)but for the last 4months hes agreed to stop.she used to loan him money let him stay there when we hit a bad patch(he took drugs etc).the problem i have now is although he just came to live we me he still owes her mum money.he borrowed from her to put a deposit down for a place to stay!he is using her bank account for his wages,even though she risks getting into deep trouble,because he owes money to the bank and says he cant open another bank account?im pretty sure he doesnt go round there anymore but hes still has to go the the shopping centre where she goes,(right next to here house)when he could change things to closer to homefor a prescription!hes made no effort to do this.hes still using her bankaccount and has been for months.today i finally came to blows with him because he wont listen and just palms me off with yea ill sort it.now HES got funny with me and told me to leave him alone!how do i let go?why am i putting up with it?
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drugs, his ex, money, overweight, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): You're right to want to leave this unhappy relationship. He has messed you around for too long.It will always be hard to move on when you have been with someone for such a long time. Try going out on social occasions to take your mind off him. Meet up with your friends and go out for pub lunchs, take advantage of the summer weather. Find hobbies to do that will take up the time during that week that you origionally have spent with him.Don't go to places where you could bump into him and what ever you do don't get back with him, you don't deserve to oout up with him anymore.Try new things and get out there. And oh yes, do not blame yourself for the heartache that you have felt. You were in love with him and you could not help putting up with his crap.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (15 May 2008):
 This relationship is all about anger and resentment...and now it has reached the stage of physical abuse. You recognise there isn't much of a relationship left but you just have to get the courage to walk away and keep walking. It doesn't sound like much changes when you ask him not to do certain things and he isn't too motivated to change since you stay around whatever he does. You sound so angry about all this like it is eating you up inside. You have a duty to protect yourself against heart-ache and being single has got to be better than being a social worker to this guy! If you separate then perhaps he will realise what he is missing and make efforts to change.
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