| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible, that a guy can't erection with his wife for years, but can get one with an other woman later on?My husband told me for several years, that he is impotent, but it has nothing to do with me. So , I just accepted to live in a sexless marriage. But now, I heard it from a friend , who knows his new girlfriend, that he is a real hot lover,and great in bed . I feel betrayed, and I wonder if it is possible, that a man thinks, he is impotent, but later for his surprise, he finds out, that he isn't , when he is with a new partner? Is it really possible to be impotent with one partner, and not with an other? I know, he didn't see anybody else, while we were married..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): "Is it really possible to be impotent with one partner, and not with an other?"
Absolutely, and love has nothing to do with it. It has a lot to do with the individual's personal psychological makeup and how it interacts with the other person.
Is it your fault? No.
Is she just so much hotter than you? No.
She is new, different in some way, and with her he is able to perform.
"that he is a real hot lover,and great in bed"
I'd take that with a grain of salt.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Since the brain is the biggest sex organ we have yep I'm sure it's possible.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (29 November 2011):
 I agree with Unknown2u. If he was healthy, the problem may've been psychological. He brings up some good points in regards to that.
It's also possible that he may have felt performance anxiety (where he thought that he wouldn't live up to your expectation... or do as well). Or he may've not felt open/free to do (or even talk about) things that he likes- or would find sexually enjoyable with you. This constriction may also diminish his mood for intimacy.
But how was your sex life together prior to the marriage? At any point were you two intimate? Did you have sex any time in the marriage? If you did (even if it was just one time), how did he like it? Did he seem pleased..disappointed? All of these things you have to take into account.
What you should also take into account is the possibility he may've done something to fix his impotence problem. He may be currently seeing a doctor who's helping him in that area, taking Viagra (or any other medication that helps him achieve/sustain an erection),or he's just more sexually compatible with his new girlfriend.
But what you have to understand what's in the past- is the past. Let him live his life, and start to live yours. You deserve happiness as well... so start looking for a man that's going to make you happy in AND out of the bedroom.
Best Wishes!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): Yes this does happen to lots of guys. I'm sure it's very hard for their partner to deal with it. But nature does not care much about people's hurt feelings when it comes to matters of reproduction.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (29 November 2011):
I don't know from experience, but I can imagine it's possible. The brain plays a very important part in arousal. If he's physically healthy but impotent, then it's psychological. His brain might have been offside because of conflict in the marriage, because he had fallen out of love; for all sorts of reasons.
As difficult as it is, don't take it personally. Just because he wasn't compatible with you doesn't mean that there isn't a guy out there who won't find you the answer to his dreams!
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