A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal behavior for your boyfriend to leave as soon as you are confrontational/negative because he doesn't want to waste a "second of his life arguing"? By leaving, I mean literally walking out the house and not returning 10-12 hours later. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (31 July 2011):
 We have 2 whole sentences here to work from. Let me explain some of my assumptions, without which this question could not be answered. I assumed that "boyfriend" referred to a short term relation measured in months not years with no children involved. I assumed that 10 - 12 hours was his absence so far with no return yet. I also assumed that the argument was more serious than the poster indicated.
Given my assumptions, I would not expect him back for 3 days. I know this answer is unusual for me, but, I stand by it until further information is available.
On the other hand if the guy is going to think that he can avoid all conflicts in his life by walking away, he had better get some good shoes.
FA
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): It is dysfunctional, to say the least.
But, it is his "norm".
Absolutely not a good thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (31 July 2011):
 It may be "normal", but I don't think it is helpful for the relationship. Space can be a positive thing. After an argument, chilling out is good. But, to walk out of the house for 10-12 hours at the sight of any negativity isn't cool and is kind of disrespectful. To make you worry about where is he, is he coming back - I think this is a threatening move, and not very fair.
If he vanishes at the sight of any sort of disagreement or words not in his favor, then who is to say he won't keep disappearing down the line when it's about something really important that maybe you don't agree on, like parenting issues or infidelity or something? If he can't handle an argument, he can't handle a healthy relationship.
It's not about not arguing, it's about not arguing in unhealthy, vindictive or mean ways. Those, at least are my thoughts...
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 July 2011):
 Uh I'd have to disagree with the previous comment. You can't just leave any time something isn't 100% great and pleasant. In life and relationships you have arguments. Leaving and refusing to face them shows that you don't care about your partner's feelings and you lack the maturity to solve problems, and instead you run from them. If you are just bitching at him about something irrelevant then I would say it is okay for him to want to get away, but if it is any time something comes up that is an actual problem, any time you are slightly upset or have an argument, he leaves? He is not someone who is reliable, caring, and someone you can depend on. I honestly can't believe advice would say that is a good thing and he is a "man". Any time something bad comes up he runs away? That's not a man. That's an uncaring coward.
Also, 10-12 hours is insane. Walking away to cool down is sometimes common, but that's a bit much. You can comment back and clarify if he indeed does walk out during every argument or not. And to get another man's point of view, my fiancee found his actions to be a very bad sign as well.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (31 July 2011):
Actually he is just doing a 180. He is communicating to you that he will not accept your behavior. He is saying that he can and will move on to a better relationship. He is manning up. Believe it or not this tactic works better to resolving the issue, long term.
Did you want a push over wimp?
FA
...............................
|
