A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a bf that refuses to let go of a female who once was the reason we had a break up about. He cheated on me and left me for her and then left her and came back to me, he made a mistake and regrets it....now 5 years later she is still in the picture. He has cut her out and brought her back around every time we have a serious argument and he thinks we are over. Says that no matter what shes always there for him and has never turned her back on him. She is a good person and a good friend, thats it and he refuses to let her go, even though he knows it kills me to every extent. He says I should be over the past and there is nothing between them, shes just been a good friend to him and he doesnt need to lose a good friend because of my insecurities. If he wanted to be with her thats what would be, but he doesnt and is with me I need to get over the past and trust him.She is well aware of me, that I do know. I feel like I'm trapped in such a bad place because I love him and have invested much of myself and my life into this relationship so I dont want to leave him, but I cant deal with this friendship he has with this girl. Hes so willing to fight with me over this and even have me leave him if I dont accept it this time around because hes sick of cutting her off and he feels its all for nothing, i shouldnt let it bother me...and I dont know what to think? feel? do?
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a break, cheated on me, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Honey, this is what happens when someone enters a relationship knowing nothing about relationships and for the sake of a relationship in and of itself. Just move on...
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (20 August 2010):
Move on............ what a dog! he wants his cake and eat it too. and you are tolerating his *hit? what is there to love what a messed up relationship! that is not love maybe on your part? but even at that if you truly loved him you wouldn't allow him to do that to you. he has broke your spirit! you know what i mean? and he says to trust him what a joke. let him run back to her. sounds like that is what he's trying to do is get you mad so he can. there are real men out there and you use the excuse that you invested to many yrs? last time i checked you are only 26? you need to grow up and get a life! you are still young sweetie, move on...........
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, LittleAlfie +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I've been in his position before. Let me assure you that if he loves you, he's making a giant mistake keeping her around. Particularly if he's left you for her once before. I understand what it is to have a good friend in an ex, but the fact is that he needs to realize that YOU should be his best friend.
But what can you do? Practically? Reassure him that you love him, but refuse to be on the backburner. Take some time apart. If he runs back to her rather than trying to get you back, that should reveal where his true loyalties lie.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (20 August 2010):
 He is using this girl as a clutch. He wants to always feel loved and he knows if you leave he still won't be alone. Relationships are about putting the other person above anything or anyone else. Even before your self. This man does not deserve you and it's sad to think you spent so much time and effort with him. He needs to know that it is not acceptable to be friends with someone he cheated on you with. Having someone in his life that was part of betraying you is not alright in any way. You need to set him straight and say it is either me or her. You can't keep us both around hanging on and run back to her when everything gets hard. He needs to step up already and be a man, otherwise you can do much better than him.
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