A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend have been having a rough time ever since we bought a house together 2 yrs ago. Recently we have been really trying to reconnect. We had a serious discussion of what we wanted and about making things work. One of the main things discussed was about spending time together and reconnecting. The next day she said she had previously made plans to talk with a girlfriend that evening but didn't want to upset me by going when we were getting along. I said I didn't mind if she spent time with friends if it wasn't all the time. However the plans to talk turned into going to a movie. My girlfriend is bi and a movie seems like a date to me - so I am not sure what to do. The next night they talked for an hour and a half on the phone. They can't seem to go a day with out talking to each other - should I be concerned, or is this just what girls do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Hmmm OK with that added bit, I can see why you'd feel that way. However, I would try not to make a big deal of it unless you truly think something is going on, as that could spark another fight. Girls tend to be more touchy feely than guys and what you describe definitely doesn't sound unusual for friends. It sounds like she may have a crush on this girl, but that doesn't mean she's going to act on it.
A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (19 October 2010):
 It's just what girls do, especially if they're feeling really connected at the moment, maybe have a common problem or something else where they feel bonded.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback - maybe I am being insecure, sure hope so. My concern is due to the fact that when we have been fighting she says she should be with a woman because a woman would understand her. And when things have been good she has asked if it wasn't every guys fantacy to be with two women and wouldn't it turn me on to see her with this specific friend. This friend is single, into women and currently gets more time with my girlfriend than I do. Hope I am just insecure, and not a blind fool.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 October 2010):
Sounds like she's close with her best friend. A movie isn't always a date, girls go with each other to see movies all the time. We hug, kiss on the cheek, sometimes even hold hands and it usually doesn't mean anything at all. To be honest, it sounds like you're just being overly insecure/possessive about this. You're really jumping to conclusions that automatically because she's close to this girl, something is going on based on nothing except that they're close. Plus your wording sounds like you are giving her "permission" to occasionally see friends, just so long as it's not all the time. I mean obviously it would be bad if she blew you off to hang with friends, but if you try to control what she does with friends and when and accuse her/get jealous any time she goes out with friends, you will drive her away.
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A
female
reader, glassblower +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Hmm. I am bi as well, but it sounds like your girlfriend is just, as you said, being a girl! I love to hang out with my friends and going to a movie and talking on the phone with them. However, it seems like you still have some relationship problems. You seem to be worried about her cheating on you. Perhaps bring it up in a way that doesn't seem accusatory, such as "Sometimes I feel like you spend a lot of time with your friend (insert name here). How do you feel about her?" It is important that you two talk about your feelings. Best of luck!!! xoxo 3 glassblower
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): I am straight and went to see a movie with a male friend. That doesn't mean that it was a date, nor did either of us have any intentions about being in a relationship.
It is quite possible that your girlfriend is being a good friend to her friend. It doesn't seem like you know the whole story. Maybe her friend is going through a rough time, so she felt like she needed to be there for her. Do you have any actual evidence that your girlfriend is cheating on you, or are you just suspicious and jealous? If she asked you if it was OK and was worried about upsetting you, it doesn't seem like she was doing much more than spending time with a friend.
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