A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I’ve been talking to this guy I traded numbers with on a dating site, his straight, but curious to try and says love is love and that he is really attracted to me, and that let’s just go with the flow. he is keen to meet but I keep delaying it. The worry I’ve got is that I’m going to fall for him and he don’t end up feeling the same way, he is actually everything I want beautifully looking, soft personality and has a lot of similar likes and fears and habits as me. We also kind of want the same thing in life it seems like life is finally giving me what I want, and I’m prepared to give it ago if it happens. I just don’t wanna meet him fall for him and then he decides he don’t like men. We live quite a distance from each other but it’s easy to meet up. His not a catfish FYI we’ve swapped pics and vids of each other the whole shebang Reply to this Question
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 November 2019):
I fully agree with the answer you have received from Youcannotbeserious.
As I read your post, I kept thinking that you’re not listening to anything except the bits you want to hear. You’re noting the similarities in personality. You’re noting the compliments. You’re noting his profession of attraction to you. Yet despite sounding like you want a relationship and connection, you don’t seem to be doing much about the glaring red flag that he is apparently straight!
Human sexuality is complicated. Could, for example, a gay man one day fall spectacularly in love with a woman? Yes, I think so. Could a straight woman one day discover that she has feelings about another woman that go beyond friendship? You bet. This guy says that love is love, and he has a good point. But the question I would be asking is what it will take for him to get it clear in his mind what he wants. Is he genuinely willing to date you and get to know you over time? Is he open to eventually introducing a male partner to his friends and family? Or is he looking to try sexual stuff with a guy to scratch an itch and see if he likes it? And if he is, are you up for that or have you already developed an emotional connection to this man that will mean you get hurt if you are used and forgotten in this way?
I think you’ve got a decent shot at a potentially fun and exciting sexual experience. If that’s what you want and you don’t care about it lasting, do what you like. But if you’re looking for something more serious, I’d be having some very searching conversations with this guy about how he feels about the proper dating experience and his openness to a gay relationship in the future. And if I bothered meeting him at all (and I doubt I would in your shoes), I’d be taking things very, very slowly.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (5 November 2019):
 But he is NOT everything you have ever wanted, is he? He is STRAIGHT. Is THAT what you want? He it trying to use you as a guinea pig. Is THAT what you want? Of course it's not. You need to open your eyes.
Alarm bells are ringing here for me - not from HIM but from YOU. You have already convinced yourself this man is for you, despite knowing he is straight and just "curious". There are never any guarantees when going into relationships that things will work out. However, going in with your eyes open, knowing the other person is straight when you are looking for a gay partner is, in my opinion, lengthening the odds considerably against it working. YOU may think you have a lot in common with this guy - and, indeed, this may be the case - but you are gay and he is straight. Let him use someone else to work out what he actually wants.
Sadly I suspect you have already invested so much emotionally in this man that you WILL end up meeting him. Be careful and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): oh please. if he's straight, why is he talking to men on dating apps? what he may be is a married guy who wants to fool around on the side. be careful with your heart. men are ruthless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2019): You may have traded pics or had video-chats, but you've never met. Online-communications is just an introduction. You have no idea who he is; until you've spent some-time together in-person. If you fall for people easily, you're a hot mess.
You have to work on that, or it will screw you up emotionally and psychologically.
Always finding yourself in infatuations, or getting ahead of the other person, always ends badly. Gays interchange lust/attract with love. They are not synonymous, and come from a different place in our complex mixture of emotions. You can't really instantly fall in-love. It's something else when you find yourself with such strong feelings for someone you hardly know or you've just met.
Love at first sight is a false-notion; a better way to put it is attraction at first-sight. Great chemistry! Love has to develop over-time, it's not an impulse. Trust is the component that gives it sureness and solidity. It requires going through different stages to become fully established. It isn't justified and/or confirmed until the other party reciprocates with the same level of feelings and emotion. I know, because I've been there, and I've done that; and I'm still doing it!
I'm here with DC to advise and guide youngsters, and hopeless-romantics; who are still out there hunting for love! Those who have, and are trying to fix or maintain it! Falling for an idea of a person, falls under the category of plain foolishness. You've got to know whom you're falling for...and why? First-impressions are sometimes false-impressions! Some folks can put on a facade for years! Ever read the posts from people together 5 years; and suddenly they don't him or her? They've decided to show their true colors! Creating a false-image of yourself requires endless imagination and a lot of nerve! You can't keep it up indefinitely, the truth fights to get out! It wins!
If he's gay-curious, he's not straight. Straight-men do not want sex with other men. I'm gay, and I'm really tired of younger gay-men; even worse, old gay-fools, chasing after men who are supposedly "straight" or "gay-curious!" Which was once simply considered (still is) a "closet-case!"
Here's yet another correction I'd like to make. "Straight-acting" isn't a thing! Gay-men are masculine (slang-term: butch), effeminate (slang-term: nellie, or fem); and some fall into the gray-area, where they're a mixture. They can turn-on the camp, and shut it off at will. There are also delicate straight-men who get falsely-accused of being gay. They're just soft, and they are truly...not questionably...straight! Like being biracial, you're not either/or...you claim the dominant-gene! People will believe you, or they won't!
Claims to be straight, bi, or gay-curious are selling-points; and even fems rarely want another effeminate-male. Gay-culture is narcissistic, fashion-conscious, cliquish, ageist, and promiscuous. We wise-up, grow-up, and overcome these stereotypes; and we settle-down to just being human.
The Holy Grail of gay-dom is the "straight macho-guy" who has never had sex with a man before! The unicorn of gay-dom is the first-timer straight-guy who wonders what it's like with a guy, after seeing a gay porn movie. Keep looking for them. You'll never find one! Just a closet -case claiming to be!
Either it's in you, or it isn't. You may be a gay-virgin! That's the facts! Remove the distinction of "straight;" if you are ever propositioned by another male! If you're an undeclared bi-sexual, you are dubious at best. You are still gay, once you have gay-sex! You simply have the ability to have sex with a woman. Been there and done that! Choose any label you want, but you are what you do!
Not to say it is impossible for a guy to be attracted to another guy; it's just that truly-straight men will never cross the line. Anyone can be tricked or seduced under the influence of drugs or alcohol; which is the same as rape in my book!
Get your head right. Base everything on reality and common-sense. This is more likely going to be a hookup or two. He will suddenly become scarce, and you'll be left bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. You're a man now, not a boy! Let's go in with our heads on straight. Pardon the pun!
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