A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years this month and we get on well when we dont argue. he is 8 years older than me but the age difference doesnt affect us generally as I have other friends and a brother his age. however recently he has asked me to marry him in a jokingly way but said that he was serious and woiuld buy me a ring as soon as he got the money. I said to him not to ''propose'' unless he was serious but he has also started talking about having a baby.I behaved as if he was joking as I didnt want to make a fool of myself and be taking him seriously especially if it turned out that it was his idea of a joke. but he has brought the discussion up a number of times in the past 4 months and Im wondering, is he serious about getting engaged and having a baby? I would never have a outside of as I think its wrong but I do wonder from time to time whether he is serious or not. and although I wouldnt refuse a ring Im not thinking of getting married anytime soon. I think that he would like to be a dad cos he has said that he would. but I dont want to be thinking that he is serious about me if hes not. all replies are welcome. thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008):
That girls sound like me ask oldersister. only that I had three kids by him and was together much longer than that...
wow its funny the way you think when you are younger and the way you think when you are older. I would never have imagined things would turn out like this.
All the same though, you learn from your mistakes but if you can avoid making them, then do that instead.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have a feeling he is serious but I dont want to believe fully that he is serious, so in case this relationship doesnt work out down the line, that I wont be left confused thinking about what he said, if that makes sense. I would not have children without being married first. but I have heard of other guys around that say things like this and dont mean it. I dont think he is the typw but Im still wary.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 The secret to a good relationship is communication. You need to ask him what he wants out of this relationship, in 2 and a half years you must know him fairly well.
He may be joking about babies but like you say he is 8 years older than you so maybe he is thinking about fatherhood. Have a good talk to him over a nice meal and discuss what you both want to happen, if you don't want to get married yet you need to let him know this and the same as far as starting a family is concerned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): He could well be serious but never takes his word as final. Dont think about having babies with him unless he really marries you and shows that form of commitment to you first. What im saying is dont just think of it as 'baby first and then marriage later' because you could be waiting for a long time. Marriage and then baby would be a better option. Only ever think of having a baby with someone if you are ready to have one for yourself first. Ask your self if you would be able to cope on your own not thinking 'oh! he wants a baby with me, I shall give him one'. Babies change things and I think you should be secure in yourself and him before making the next step.
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