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male
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anonymous
writes: I am 25 and have been with my Girlfriend for about 5 years now, we have a house together and a couple of dogs.We have got on great but I get the feeling that she is staring to go off us being a couple!She has started to become close to a colleague at work who is seeing another colleague at work who is married (all complicated I know) but when she is on the phone for an hour at three in the morning I do get susspicious.I have never really cheated on her, once at a xmas party I kissed a girl that was as far as it went though as my concious kicked in and I thought it was wrong.Ive been away for a week or so and met this really nice girl. I am a shy guy who has only really been in long term relationships, only slept with two girls! I was flatterd when this girl paid attention to me, leaving her mobile number on my car. However I distanced myself as I know it would have been hard for me to resist the temptation with this girl. We have swapped numbers and keep in touch though.I dont know if this was the wake up call that I need to end our realtionship or to try harder and give it one last shot. the hardest thing in the breakup would be dividing the house and pets up, is this the only reason why Ive not done it in the past, I dont know?Ive found myself in deep thought hours on end, I am not saying I would the new girl would lead to anything think it was just an eye opener for me and my present relationship.Should I just forget about the new girl and carry on or is it a wakeup call to my presnent relationship?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 First of all, you have cheated. You kissed a girl at a party and you've exchanged numbers with another who you have feelings for. Did you tell your girlfriend about the "non cheating kiss" or the girl you're contacting. Of course not because you know it's cheating.
The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. The new girl is not the "wake up call". There will always be other attractions coming and going. The fact that you 've already kissed one and exchanged numbers with the other should tell you something about you.
Maybe your relationship needs work. Maybe your girl is starting to hae the same feelings for this new friend at work. Talk to her. Find out. If, as you say, the only thing that concerns you is the house and the pets, you might be relieved after talking to her. Maybe she wants out too. It sounds like you're actually hopeful she's interested in this other guy as opposed to upset or hurt. It's almost as if you're looking for an excuse here.
If my wife was on the telephone for an hour at 3 in the morning I'd ask her who she was talking to. That is not normal. Usually in that case, it's an emergency or something else. If she's secretive about it and trying to do this behind your back, then there's morre to it.
You need to communicate with her.
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